...and the angels thwacked her on the head....

I am an artist with dust on my brushes, I am a writer with thousands of words still in my head, I am not living up to my full potential.

Just updated my blog and a little blurp at the bottom of the page said:
"You are using 11MB of your allotted 1028"!

Damn! The angels sure have a way of getting their message across!

A Walk On The River Trail

Who has stood here before me?

What were they thinking?

Where were they going?

Were they Wandering and Wondering?

Open Book

Do you ever find your self distracted by a simple phrase or maybe even just a word or two while reading? You find that you have read two pages without being cognizant because your mind wandered off with thoughts inspired by the words.

I must confess, for someone who meditates and preaches the practice of "awareness" my mind is predictably unpredictable! (Makes sense to me, so deal with it!)

This morning one of the characters in the book I am reading used the phrase "open book". Without benefit of a count down  my mind blasted off to the ethers.

"Open Book."  What is an open book? Who is an Open Book?  My mother insists that my brother, sister and I are open books and she isn't smiling when she says it!

I don't agree with her a hundred percent. I would suggest that if the three of us could be referred to as books, we would be books resting gently at eye level; not on a high precipice nor buried deep in a cabinet, but books easily within reach. If you open it and read a little, or as you pick up one of the little volumes and it falls open to any page that inspires a question, we are pretty forthcoming with an answer. Not because we are anxious to share all the bits and pieces but that, to us, the bits and pieces are just that....bits and pieces. Individual bits and pieces do not define us. Though there are people who have let this 'bit" or that "piece" from their past or maybe their family's history define who they are or who they have become.

What if you are an "open book"? Should one be more protective of those moments of thier lives when maybe they made mistakes or got too close to the edge? What's the use of those experiences if they can't be used to teach or inform? Should one feel guilty because they don't guard the story more tightly?

What about those who not only don't open the book but keep the tome shut and locked away in a cellar of personal memory, locked up tight? Warning: don't even think about asking!

A dear friend, a long time ago, had a pat answer for any questions that he thought were inappropriate.

"Why do you want to know?" he would ask the curious.

 Whatever their response was, he always answered, "Well, that's not reason enough!"

He wasn't really a private person, he just didn't want to feed morbid curiousity. (Was he thinking, "Inquiring minds should get a life!") I have actually been known to use the same trick but not to keep things private but just to see if I could actually get away with it!

What we share and don't share of our own lives and thoughts and actions should be a personal choice,  shouldn't it? If I choose to be an open book one week and keep the book closed the next, isn't it my decision?

Someone else may choose to put a lock and key on the book and stand beside it with a loaded gun in case you get too close. My advice to you would be that if you see someone standing next to a dusty book with a cocked pistol in hand you should keep your questions simple; "Would you like tea or coffee, how about a little sugar?"

What about those of us who have the book open to just one page. That page and no other. What has become of the story before that page and what of the story since that page? Another man I knew a long time ago who was an awesome, winning high school quarterback let that short page in his book define his story forevermore. He believed he never was that great since then, he never saw the love and admiration in his children's eyes nor that of his wife because he only heard the echo of days gone by and believed himself to be a has-been, sadly living in the shadow of yesterday's glory. What of those who choose only to dart in and out of the darkness of yesterday's tragedy or trespass. Afraid to love, afraid to live, afraid to turn the page and read how life did, truly, go on.

What is the state of your book? Is it open, can you turn your pages freely and read what was and look forward to what is coming? If you are protective of it has the "protecting" of it become more important than the "living" of it? Can you honor the choices of others to keep their books in whatever state they have choose?

In my humble opinion, it is a choice we all make. Free will, after all, was God's idea. It is not for me to insist we all open those books, or share just this page or that or slam them shut. It is, though, again I say humbly, that we should be aware of the choice we made and own it, be conscious of it.

Is your book open? Did you decide to stick with one page? Is it under lock and key? Are you the author or are you letting someone else write your book?

Partisan Politics

par·ti·san

1.noun; an adherent or supporter of a person, group, party, or cause, esp. a person who shows a biased, emotional allegiance.

2.

Military . a member of a party of light or irregular troops engaged in harassing an enemy, esp. a member of a guerrilla band engaged in fighting or sabotage against an occupying army.




If our congress was actually a marriage between two people, say the wife is (flip a coin: Heads) the Democrat and the husband is Republican (sorry, tails) in America today I would have to venture a guess that our divorce rate would be about 98%.



You see, there would be no listening with the goal of trying to learn or understand. If any listening was happening at all it would be with the intention of trying to find something to trip the other up with. Instead of rings our marriage ceremonies would consist of exchanging sticks to draw lines in the dirt....."Cross this line, Sucka!"




The first marriage was just such a marriage, Lilith and Adam, both wanted to be on top. Winning and being on top was most important, no one cared to listen and learn to compromise. Democrats and Republicans...oops, my mistake....Democrats vs Republicans.....what a circus. Do any of the politicians today really care about helping the American people, do they care about making this a country where we can honor our roots and our future? Is biased, emotional allegiance a solid foundation for good listening skills? If we are engaged in harassing or consumed with fighting or sabotaging instead of trying to understand and cooperate what is our future?



Will every president spend the first four years in office trying not to offend too many people so that there is a second term in the future at the detriment of the American citizen...which, by the way, includes the future of our babies and children.



When will partisanship be left at the door and genuine-ship, caring-ship, honor-ship come to the forefront of American politics?

My Tree Is Full Of Apples

Scrolling down through Facebook this morning, who's doing what, who's harvesting cranberries and who's giving away shovels. My eyes locked onto the post from Linda, "My tree is full of apples." She is actually inviting any takers to come pick fresh apples but in my idealistic mind it was the same as "my cup is half full."



Now it is my long standing philosophy that my cup runneth over but there are times when that personal philosophy is blurred just the littlest bit in the fog of daily living. I always know in my heart that the belief is there but it can be reduced to a mere shadow when the mind starts its anxiety-ridden fretting about things and stuffs of maybe's and maybe not's.



Whenever we drop our awareness and the total commitment to being present in our life we can become entangled in ghostly what if's. Those "what ifs" are a blight on our apple trees, drying up the lovely red fruit as it clings to the tree, fighting to not be dropped prematurely. Can you imagine what would happen if a tree, filled with the promise of spring blossoms started to fret about the possibility of an early frost? Would it accept the tickle of the bees buzzing from blossom to blossom? Would the tree, so focused on the possibility of some future "maybe" be unable to dedicate its energy to producing even the scrawniest of fruit let alone a big crisp fruit worthy of polishing and giving to a favorite teacher?



Can one's glass be half full if the glass becomes obsessed with the possibility of the liquid being consumed? Could the anxiety of glass produce enough heat to vaporize its contents?



Tell me, do you sometimes let your mind take over your heart, your tomorrow consume your today? Does your stress vaporize your contents? Does your fruit dry up on the stem? It happens to me sometimes, but, luckily I read simple statements that remind me just how wonderful and blessed my life has been and is. My cup runneth over and my tree is full of apples.

What Did You Pack For 2010?

Are you packed for 2010?

Its very important what you decide to bring with you and what you commit to leaving behind.

Here is my list of must haves:
Integrity and Good Music.

Imagination and Good Books

Open Mind and Soft Shoulder

Creativity and Spirituality

Courage and a New Bathing Suit

A Good Pen and Chewing Gum

An extra door knob in case some doors appear closed with no apparent means of entry...(always carry an extra door knob with you; they are much less cumbersom than windows)

Good Wine and Good Friends

Verboten Objects ~ What I am prepared to leave behind:

Maps, Whining, Bad Attitude, Brussel Sprouts, Judgemental People and unfair judgements on my part


I promise to Be On The Lookout For:

Every Opportunity to tell loved ones:

"I Love YOU" ~"You are Special" ~ "You are important to me"

Those moments to tell someone:
"Good job" "I am proud of you" and sometimes giggle and say..."man, that was stupid!"

Opportunities for hugs and kisses and a mug of Dutch Bros. coffee.

...and to be of the lookout for

Miracles, Angels, Sunrises, Sunsets,

Good Books, Good Music, "Good Waves, Man"

Hugs, Kisses and Macaroons,

Vintage Linens and Gin & Tonics on a hot afternoon

Crystals, Naps and Opportunities for Growth

What are you going to packi?
What are you going to leave behind?
What are you watching for?

Competitive? Not me!

If you had asked me how I felt about competition a week or two ago I would have shared my life-long philosophy with you. I do not believe in Competition. I believe in Cooperation. I have always believed that we would dwell in a much more peaceful, gentle world if we were united in cooperative living. I have always believed that and I looked down my nose on the competitive spirit....

Then came Bejewelled Blitz on Facebook......OMG was I delusional!

I have just discovered something really, really, really, really ugly about myself...I want to win....I need to win...I live to win.

It was a cold and windy night...hmmm...actually it probably started on a way-too-hot day in summer. I saw that my dear friend, Valerie, played this little game on Facebook with all these cute, bright jewels, sparkly explosions and cool sound effects....I thought, "why not!"

Why Not? Why not? When you ask yourself "why not?" there is a good reason "why not"! Probably several good reasons "why not".

The ugliness starts off real slow. It sneaks up on you so subtly that you have no idea what is happening. Razzles and dazzles! Little emeralds popping! Yellow diamonds exploding! The points start to add up....ta deep voice in the game itself says, "excellent"! 12,000! 24,000! 63,750! Hmmm. This is fun.

Yum, flash: I just beat Valerie's high score...what was that? A little kajizzle up my spine. Nice!

Log in the next day: Valerie has beat my score. No problem. One day, two days, third day, 112,300...new top score....I'm on top again. Nice, real nice...can feel that kajizzle up my spine...."this is a cool game," I think to myself.

Next day, log on to Facebook...."what the?" New friend Cheryl has topped both Valerie's and my score...."hmmm, easy fix" I think as I smile to myself....and I fix it....well, of course I do!

(WARNING: Please do not read on if you have a weak stomach....it gets really ugly from here)

We juggle top-dog place for a week, maybe two....the kajizzles aren't as intense as the first time...I need more....

...THEN....5:15 AM...can't sleep....what if someone has "somehow" beaten my score.....better get up and protect it! Explosions, sparkles, "exellent".....ooohhhh....bright colors, jewels...points.....Points.....POINTS....POINTS......MORE POINTS....GIVE ME......

Yes, 288,550 points....."EXCELLENT!"

Oh the kudos, Amanda likes my score (yes, even sweet Amanda is hooked)....Heidi likes my score.....Valerie asks "How did you do that?" Oh, sweet Kajizzles, not only up my spine but up my neck and spreading out over my scalp, down my arms and even down to my toes. Oh Kajizzles....I love you......

WHAT? Cheryl tops my score again....and again....WTF? A new friend.....Ann (you know who you are)...ANN tops the highest score..311,050...I think to myself, "how important is this friendship....I can delete her and get back on top....but what if she requests my friendship again.....I know, I could block her!"

Friday morning I set the alarm....the early bird gets the worm you know!

I must get back on top....I need to get back on top...... I WANT IT! GET OUT OF MY WAY!

Can't do it.....124,00.....134,000......187,00....."NO, I don't want any lunch, I am busy".....188,000....189,000......."yeah, yeah, I'll go to bed when I am done here"....202,540.....3:45 AM Saturday morning...need sleep but Ann is still way up there, Cheryl, close behind.....I am not even in the ball park.....Sunday.....my arm hurts....I think I have Bejeweeled-Blitz-Carpal-Tunnel.....my shoulder hurts.....I don't care....Someone is higher than me.....Please, don't make it so...clicking the mouse...click, click, double click, explosions, jewels, bright ugly colors, ugly little numbers....where are the big numbers....."NO, I don't want any dinner...get off my ass"......click- click...more ugly explosions, cheap little jewels...must sleep...can't sleep....must sleep.

What! Heidi can't sleep and she is gonna try and beat my score while I sleep!.....not gonna sleep.....can't lose my footing.....I need more.....GIVE ME MORE.

Monday Morning....6:30 AM......Facebook.....gotta check....did Heidi bury me in the ugly little squares and circles pretending to be jewels? Did she dump me in the tank of tacky fake explosions......can't breathe.....No....I am safe at 200,000+ but Cheryl....OMG...Cheryl.....the Bejewelled Blitz Terrorist has buried Ann.....319,050.....HELP ME.....I NEED AN INTERVENTION!

Please....please....anyone?

A beach.

A beach and a blanket.

A beach and a blanket
with a soft warm breeze.

A beach and a blanket
with a soft warm breeze
and gentle lapping waves.

A beach and a blanket
with a soft warm breeze

and gentle lapping waves and peanut butter sandwiches with grape jelly.

A beach and a blanket
with a soft warm breeze
and gentle lapping waves
and peanut butter sandwiches with grape jelly
and You.

A beach and a blanket
with a soft warm breeze
and gentle lapping waves
and peanut butter sandwiches with grape jelly
and You. Nice!

Worm Soup!

On those days, when its way too cold to go outside....or way to hot....and we have danced and tea-partied and Phineas-and-Ferb-ed 'til we can't anymore my granddaughters and I like to make worm soup.

Well, actually, they like to make worm soup and I like to shake my head! We get out a couple of bowls, the bigger the better; measuring spoons, measuring cups, some smaller bowls and big (BIG) spoons to stir with. Often the ingredients to our soup is completely imaginary....you know, a bit of lizard lips, bat spit and maybe octopus beaks.

Friday was not one of the imagination days...Alaina was definitely into "the real stuff". So we started with a base of water and milk...lumps okay. Rock salt, dog food, wood shavings, brown sugar rocks....whatever she could find. The soup was a wonderful shade of turquoise which she blames on the milk and several drops of food coloring...5 blue drops, 3 drops of yellow and one drop of red.

Her sister came home from school, rolled up her sleeves and proceeded to not be outdone!

Her concoction was slightly slimier due to the large amounts of last summers sun block (which should never be applied to the skin due to Vit D deficiencies and clogging of pores). I digress.

Jocilyn's soup included crushed peppers, coffee creamer, flour, egg shells and maybe even the egg....could that egg have added to the slime-factor?

Wonderful mess! Warning: the food coloring should be avoided if small child in your care is about to leave with parents for a trip to Santa Cruz.

Yes, Thanksgiving....there was much of that!

Thanksgiving....yes, there was lots of thanksgiving. Gratitude that we have all survived a year of extreme ups and downs.

My 6 year old granddaughter was hospitalized, my 18 year old grandson rolled his little Subaru and walked away from the accident....God bless Subarus. His step-dad has battled cancer and has had two major surgeries in the past 6 months. Lots of challenges but here we are; a family filled with love and blessings.

This year, thanks to my brother Mike, we have reconnected with family...lots of cousins! We are planning a big reunion next summer of first cousins and our families....but some of us couldn't wait so Mike, my sister Sherree and I gathered at her house with our cousin Brian and his wonderful wife. We hadn't seen him for close to 40 years.....did I say 40? My goodness!

We had such a good time! He really rocks, he has grown into a wonderful, intelligent, talented and involved man. His wife is fantastic, too and we had such a fun weekend reaquainting ourselves. We told stories about when we were little kids, shared some memories of our grandparents and and Aunt and Uncle that have passed.

Front row: Sherree, Brian, Mike
Back Row: Me (Toni), Wendy and Connie (Mike's wife).

We had fun and I honestly can't wait until this summer when all the cousins get together!

Woman to Woman. Let's Talk!

Are you content with the condition of the world? Does it bother you that children go to school in the morning and are shot at by their school mates? Do you wonder what has caused so many teenage suicides?  Why are schools promoting birth control and abortions without advising parents or obtaining parental consent?

Our children are confused. We preach one thing and than do another. We give birth to our children and hand them over to a daycare organization or a television to raise them.

Does it make sense that we tell our daughters to say no to sex yet they are bombarded on with daily messages that they will not be "cool" or "liked" if they don't dress, act, talk and look sexy. Does it make sense to our daughters and sons that we say we are so offended with the certain images of women and girls in advertisements, tv and movies but we continue to purchase and consume the very products whose advertisements offend us?

Are you comfortable with the fact that almost every mother and father (especially fathers) on television are portrayed to be bumbling idiots. Dad can't plug in the toaster without blowing up the house and Mom is an emasculating Robo-Woman.

Every day another politician is being outed for sordid extra-marital affairs, cheating on taxes or stealing government funds to pay for great vacations in exotic places. Our children see us gripe and complain about these dishonest public servants but do they witness taking action?

"Apathy is not the most dramatic form of suicide, just the most common." William J. O'Malley

What are we going to do to make this a better world for our children and grandchildren? Henri Amiel wrote, "Woman is the salvation or the destruction of the family, she carries it's destiny in the folds of her mantle." In my opinion, Mr. Amiel is right.

Men tend to define themselves according to how autonomous they are. Women always wonder why they won't "commit" and I am sure it is because to "commit" is to lose one's separateness and therefore, one's identity. Women, on the other hand, define ourselves by our relationships. Unconsciously we believe, "I have a relationship therefore I am!" How many women stay in terrible relationships because unconsciously we believe that if we don't have even a lousy relationship we might cease to exist.

Now, one might think that this is a weakness but it is, in my humble opinion, one of our greatest strengths. It is because of the way we define ourselves that we are the caretakers of the earth. We are connected, we feel compassion, we nurture! We know in our hearts and souls that if any thing is wrong with one baby, one family or even one lake or river, that something is wrong with us all.

We just need to teach our daughters that the first relationship they have is with God, Goddess, All There Is, The Great Spirit, the Higher Power. The next relationship is with their self. Next, the relationship they have with Mom and Dad will accompany them for the rest of their lives so show them how important they are, how much they are loved and respected. Honor your daughters. If they never witness respect and honor they will never recognize it or the lack of it.

Look at how connected we are! We menstruate on the same cycle as the moon and tides, and in the days before artificial light and synthetic birth control, we cycled with the other women in our huts and caves. We invented villages, agriculture, math! We are good!

Somewhere, sometime, somehow we lost our footing. We need to regain it. I'm not suggesting that we grab the reins from men and take control but I am suggesting that we put the focus back on our children, our elderly, our families, our communities. We turned our backs on the living and breathing and have surrendered to the inanimate, the governments, the corporations, the organizations. When did we decide that it is more important to "give" our children stuff than to share ourselves with them?

Within...or.....In My.....

I've been tagged......what is cyber tag anyway? Steven tagged me and says I have to answer the following questions....like I do things I "have to!"

5 things in my fridge:

unopened egg nog, a hostess gift from Christmas....think its still good?
celery
carrots
lettuce....just in case we get an unexpected visit from a rabbit!
white wine....again for unexpected guests, I prefer red.

5 things in my closet:

journals
a 3' tall doll with orange hair that I had when I was a little girl!
two large boxes of Mitch's writings
dresses...in many different sizes and eras!
scarves and hats and gloves....for those winters when California pretends to be Montana for a day or two.
dust bunnies....wonder if they like lettuce....

5 things in my work supply bag....?
Okay, hard one here....do you mean my teaching bag or my Mary Kay bags?
Can't mean a typical gym bag as the really most extreme sport I participate in is my morning showers and luckily no bags are necessary!

Mary Kay bag:
15 Look catalogs
15 "Invite" booklets
Business cards
Samples
Records & scheduling book

5 things in my car:

Rob Thomas cd, love Street Corner Symphony.
Wayne Dyer collection of cd's...can't learn too much about creating my reality!
Mary Kay bag
Travelers bag with sketch pad, pencils, pens, journal and water bottle.
quilt....never know when the need for a nap or picnic will hit and I believe in being prepared!

Okay, Steve says I have to tag 5 other people and I say, "Steve, You are not the boss of me!"