We seriously need to talk. If there was ever, ever, E-V-E-R, ever a need for intervention, well, let's just say I hear your desperate cry!
Please, Spam, I don't know how many more ways to tell you, but:
1. I don't own a penis, undersized or otherwise, and I certainly do not want one.
2. I know what my credit score is.
3. Though my relationships are none of your business, I feel I must inform you that I am not looking for hookups so tell eHarmony, Zoosk, Match.com and all your other friends to stop bugging me. I will call them if the need arises!
4. I don't care what Bunny, Lulu or Victoria does in the privacy of her bedroom, nor do I care to share her gymnastic talents with her and her friends.
5. I do not need Carbonite. I can save my own stuff here at home.
6. I only knew 6 of my High School Classmates and I am still in touch with them. Oh yes, and my yearbooks are in the bookshelf in the back bedroom, if I want to look at them its free!
Spam, honey, please, get some help. Get outside and get some sunshine and fresh air or climb back into your little weird shaped can of gelatinous goo. Just stay away from computers....you and keyboards....not good, honey, not good.