January 25, 2015

Chain Of Custody

Balls! Balls! Balls!

Every form of media is talking about balls...inflated, deflated, inspected, psi and chain of custody!

I was impressed, yet puzzled,  with the expression "chain of custody"! I'm familiar with the terms "chain crew," "chain gang," "bringing the chains out to measure," but chain of custody is not part of football-speak.

Possession, yes. Control, sure,  but Custody just isn't in football vocabulary.

It appears that in the hidden shadows of football rules and regulations, the game is played only with Home-Team balls. Which may explain "home field advantage"! I can only imagine how difficult and humiliating it must be for visiting teams to have to leave their balls at home.

The balls are inflated to a certain psi, presented to Balls Inspector two hours before a game begins. (Is coughing expected during this inspection?)

One can only assume that the inspector is one of the Refs, but I am only aware of Line Judge, Back Judge, Field Judge, Referee, Head Linesman. I've never heard of a Ball Judge. Could it be that since I am a woman, none of the men in my life have had the balls to share this information with me?

Now, I am aware that there is a head ref, the guy in charge of the other refs and he is sometimes referred to as the Crew Judge. It would stand to reason that he might be in charge of inspecting balls.

As I listened to one especially heated report, one reporter was incensed that, once inspected and approved, the balls are then returned to the team. She must have had a background in law because she repeatedly used the term "chain of custody". She was aghast (yes, that is the word she used), aghast, that the home team's balls were not all placed in a large bag (ouch) and kept in the possession of the refs.

Now, this leads me to question "chain of custody" of balls in general. Professional athletes around the world are known for poor choices and aggressive behaviors including murder, domestic violence, kidnapping, paparazzi abuses and dog fighting. Immaturity and an over abundance of testosterone are probably major factors in the overall lack of good judgement.

Of course, that leads directly to prisons, which are filled to the brim with men with violent tendencies and abhorrent behaviors who typically are in custody of balls.Then there are hormonal teenage boys, completely different balls-related dilemmas.

How different would life be with a little fine tuning of chain of custody rules and regulations regarding balls in general?

I do believe I will be consulting with Hillary Clinton on this subject.






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