Best Laid Plans

It is 2:27 a.m. We should be just coming in to New Jersey to wait for our plane into Florida where we would be jumping into a rental car and driving 4 hours to see my husband's elderly uncle.

We should but we're not. We are just climbing out of bed in California. Our own beds, in fact.

We arrived at the airport yesterday afternoon. Waited in a long line to check in and have our luggage weighed. Paid an extra 25 dollars for the small bag. I didn't realize that when you buy an airline ticket it doesn't include luggage. Made me feel as old as a dinosaur.

Then we took our luggage over to x-ray and search. Stood in another long line to waiting with purse, shoes and books. Frank had wallet, camera bag (which must have weighed 30 pounds with all the lenses and two cameras).

Then the fun part. My titanium knee. Beep....Beep....Beep..........."Please stand over to the side, lady."

Hey, Mr. Security. You've got my ticket and license! Could you at least use my name? Or does using a personal name make it harder to shoot someone if they have metal in the body?

The Search. Spread your legs, Hold you hands out to the side, palms up. Then the little speech. I am going to be touching the upper, inner leg all the way to the top. I will ask you to lift your blouse so that I can feel around your waist band.

Humiliation complete, we continue to the waiting room to read.

Time to board the plane. We are settled in. Love the bruises from the stewardess (or whatever one call them these days) bumping into my arm 27 times. We taxi out to runway and sit and sit and sit.

Pilot announces that we are having difficulty with our nose wheel computer so we are going back to terminal to deplane and wait for mechanics.

While in the terminal an announcement is made that the mechanics will be here in 15 minutes. Twenty minutes later the announcement is made that the mechanics have decided that they don't have the parts to repair the nose wheel computer. But wait.....the mechanics never showed up. We were watching the plane all the time and no one showed up.

The flight was cancelled. Oh, by the way, the flight is now cancelled!

We have transfers to make in San Francisco, lots of them. some people are going to San Diego. some to Chicago. San Francisco is the hub of other flights to catch.

An announcement is made. The staff at the airport will help us with our connections. A woman announces to please practice patience as there are only two people to help than she disappears for 20 minutes, leaving the guy to handle the mob.

By the time we can ask if we can just drive to San Francisco and catch the flight there to Jersey we have waited an hour and a half, too late to drive and all other connections are full.

We are now on our way to airport to catch a 4 a.m flight to Chicago (via San Francisco). We will make Florida late tonight but can still see uncle but will not get there until 1 a.m. and will need to turn around first thing in morning to head back to convention.

I have a string of 4 letter words I would love to share with you at this moment but, alas, have to get in car to make it in time for x-rays and body search. Well, at least the woman conducting the search told me that I looked remarkable and no where close to "my age"!  Must be these firm inner thighs and perky boobs!

If she could only see the throbbing veins in my forehead this morning. 

The song "10 Little Monkeys" keeps going through my mind. I might be losing my sanity but at least I get to go sit on an airplane on a tarmac this morning. And really, any vacation is still a vacation.