Hi all!
I hope your holiday season has been joyful, comfy and full of love.
The guy and I had a most wonderful Thanksgiving and Christmas. Totally chill and fun.
If you're ever in the area of Corralitos, there is a really fun winery, El Vacquero. Friday nights there is live music and dancing from 6 to 9. The wine is excellent. You can bring in your own food or you can pick up some munchies at the various food trucks they have parked out front.
I am looking forward to 2024 with every bone in my body. I have seen my therapist almost weekly since November 2022. She's helped me resolve some life-long issues, a couple of family issues and helping me with a Death With Dignity plan.
A clinical trial agency contacted me to see if I would participate in another IPF trial. After all the hoops and tests my pulmonary function did not make the cut. The fibrosis is progressing. Sucks!
I think I've written about the pressure of trying to keep moving while in 9+level knee pain. I had a knee ablation which has helped a little but it's only been a month so maybe it will still improve. Hoping.
I had a dream the other night. It was weird and incredibly lucid.
The pain in my knee, back and neck is off-the-charts, fatigue is my constant companion and I get short of breath just walking to check the mail or walking down the hall to my bedroom.
In my dream, I was crawling on the floor and it seemed as if 3/4 of my soul, or conscience (or whatever you want to call the thinking-you) was out of my body and I was trying to kick my body away. I couldn't get away from my body and I was frustrated that it seemed to be clinging to me. I remember being very lucid and wanting to ditch my body so bad; angry that it wouldn't let go.
When I woke up my first thought was wondering if this dream is part of the process of dying. Processing how to move on without one's body.
I've had out-of-body experiences before. I've practiced astral projection off and on for years, but I've always known that I would be returning to my body. I've never not wanted to belong to my body.
I guess it's back to my therapist after the first of the year!!!
One step forward, two steps back.
That's quite the dream and very understandable, given the chronic pain and fatigue you're in. You are a real Warrior Woman and I wish you all the best in 2024. May you find many things in which to take joy and satisfaction this coming year.
ReplyDeleteHappy new year Toni. Wishing you good doctors, the best meds and loads of love. Thanks for checking in and keeping us in the loop.
ReplyDeleteWhat a vivid dream! I can understand wanting to get away from the pain and limitations that you have been living with.
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to read that you and the guy had good holidays and a wonderful night out. That feels very buoyant and uplifting. I hope you have more of those good times in the coming year!
Hi Toni, you've been on my mind lately, wondering how things are going with you. I hope 2024 has brought good things to you so far and especially hope that pain management for your knees has improved. Best wishes to you!
ReplyDeleteHi Debra, Thanks for checking in. Life has been filled with lots of ups and downs.
DeleteI had ablation on my knee which reduced the pain from a consistent 8-9 to 2-3 which is good but it's also made me a bit unstable (physically...mentally and emotionally I'm holding on!!!) I've been using a walker which really helps give me the confidence I need to move around.
UC Davis helped me get a grant to pay the $3000/month copay for the medication I need to help slow the progression of fibrosis. The first bottle just arrived today. Cost: $15000 for a 30 day supply! My pharmacy insurance is paying 12,000 and the grant covers the rest. What a blessing the grant is.
Weird holding a bottle of 60 pills and knowing it's worth in the U.S. Apparently the same medication is available in India for $200 a month.
The Guy and I are getting out with our cameras at least 2 to 3 times a week. He actually was in the top 100 of a couple of International Landscape Photography contests and has had several photos published in a local magazine. I spend the rest of the days painting; mostly watercolor.
I hope that all is well with you and 2024 is your best year yet.
I am sorry you have pulmonary fibrosis, a really sucky knee and face end of life more quickly than you might otherwise. Since we are now three months into 2024, I hope you are still enjoying photography and painting.
ReplyDeleteSo good to hear from you! Happy Quarter-Gone New Year!
DeleteActually, I'm doing really well. We're getting out a lot. The mountains have been offering up some incredible visions to capture both with camera and paint.
Life is good!