Apologies and Other Stuff

 Apologies to all my blog-friends. No good excuses for not keeping up to date except, well, shit happens and some shit doesn't happen. It seems like in our household we've got it all mixed up!

I do have good news about Lily, our little Chihuahua/Terrier cross. Ever since we've had her, her breath has been atrocious but we kind of figured it came with being an older dog! We've taken her to the vet several times (usually for foxtail removals) but none of the vets have ever told us she had issues with her teeth. She had that typical esophagus cough that Chihuahua's get but a little CBD calms her down and the cough goes away. 

A couple of months ago, she started sneezing and then she would shake her head violently. We took her in, thinking that maybe she had a foxtail up her nose. Nope! Our poor baby's teeth were so bad that she had a serious sinus infection with an accompanying fistula in her nasal cavity. Over $3000 later she is happy, acts like a puppy again, doesn't sneeze, cough or shake her head. AND her breath is sweet as a baby's!

She seems to be a whole new precious little dog. 

The not-so-good news that goes along with that is that the Guy and I have been putting money aside to help us update the house to prepare it for sale. We don't want to get into investments, we want to just pay as we go. 

We put a new roof on the house, installed a new HVAC. We demolished the tile and grout counters in kitchen and had quartz counters installed. We had just put away enough to update the guest bathroom when Rex, our Border Collie, got cancer. That surgery and care was over $3500. He is fully recovered and doing super fine, especially for an almost 17 year old dog. We waited a bit to do the bathroom and ended up doing a lot ourselves but we got it done...mostly!

So we had just saved were pretty close to enough to redo our own bathroom when Lily's surgery came up. So, I guess we will be waiting on the updating on that pretty ugly 1980's bathroom.

But, we have two healthy, happy pups and that's what matters.

On the personal side. A pharmacist at U C Davis helped me get a grant to pay the $3000/mo copay for Ofev for my Idiopathic Pulmonary Fibrosis. I've been on it for just over a month. Other than feeling like vomiting two-thirds of the day and night and having to stay within sprinting distance to a bathroom, I'm doing okay with it.

The ablation on my knee worked pretty well but I find myself off-balance quite a bit. I got a disabled parking placard and I use my dad's walker.  I feel old and tired. My energy level is damn low and honestly, I'm wrestling with whether i want to keep trying to thrive or just get some good books, go to bed and wait for the IPF to come get me. 

Basically I guess I'm grieving the loss of me. The active me I used to be. The me that could walk to my bedroom and back without having to sit down and catch my breath. I miss the me that could go out back and work in the yard and lose track of time because there was no pain to remind me how long it's been and I didn't have to rest for 10 minutes for every 5 minutes (if that) of work. 

When I was growing up anytime my mother caught me just sitting and reading a book, she would tell me, "I'm sure there is something in this house that needs cleaning before you can just sit and read." I haven't outgrown that voice in my head. When the Guy and I are working on a project, I feel so guilty that I have to go and sit for 20 minutes to catch my breath while he carries on without me.

He absolutely never makes me feel guilty. He wants me to rest but I am filled with guilt and shame that I'm so useless. 

Time to feed the pups and take some really icky pill! 

I miss you all.