Moo, Baa, La, La, La

In the old days, and I do mean "old days," the older women, the grandmothers and great grandmothers would council young mothers, mothers-to-be, in fact, mothers in general.

Women would meet and tell the young women what herbs to use to prevent conception and which ones to use to ease the pain of childbirth. Grandmothers would teach new mothers things like burping a crying baby before nursing so that air is not trapped under the milk causing colic or spitting up.

Grandmothers would take a crying baby from mother and encourage new mother to nap. Older women who have helped a hundred babies know to hold a baby with gas on it's tummy over your forearm. Baby straddles your arm, it's head in the palm of your hand and it's little tush near your elbow. Hold baby's head just a little lower than your elbow, tushie higher than head, while you gently rub the baby's tummy with your other hand. Gas, colic and crying will be gone in seconds.

The older women would have a woman in labor walk and squat, walk and squat, not lie in a bed hooked to tubes and monitors. A laboring woman does not need to see a graph with zig-zag lines off the chart to know how strong her contractions are. Lying on her back, strapped to a monitor makes labor last longer, is bad for baby and very, very uncomfortable for mom.

Older women, midwives and village healers did not  do emergency cesarean sections because it was convenient ( so they could get to that golf tournament or have the weekend off or because insurance pays more for C-section than natural delivery ).

Gatherings were on-going, all the elder women were available in the village at any time, night or day.

We've reduced the takes-a-village concept of community and dummied it down to a two hour baby shower. Five generations of women; women who have been there, eating cake and oh-how-cute-ing!

Not once did I hear someone tell either of the expectant moms how to prepare her nipples for the new baby nor did anyone share with them great positions to get into to help the uterus to fall back in place.

I totally enjoyed the shower. Good visits, good food, and the joy on the Mom-to-be's face was priceless. The baby has clothes for a year and diapers to last until baby buys her first car and needs the old rags to wash the car windows. But I missed the reverence for the event coming up, not just the birth of a baby and new mommy and new daddy but the introduction of a new human being and a new little family and the promise of  support from a community of people who will be there for them.

Over fifty women, young and old, sitting on hundreds of hours of wisdom and experience, sipping tea and talking about the weather, the rodeo and how long they were in labor and how big their babies were.

Wouldn't it be nice if experienced mom's invited young mom's to gatherings to share and nurture and support?

Damn! Great-grandchild #1 coming in a month and I just realized that I threw out all 32 of our sippy cups and thermo-spoons! At least I still have my Sandra Boyton books:

Moo, Baa, La La La

 "A cow says moo,  a sheep says baa. 

Three singing pigs say, la, la, la. 

No, No, you say, that isn't right!

Pigs say oink, all day and night.

Rhinoceroses snort and snuff,

And little dogs go ruff, ruff, ruff.

Some other dogs go, bow wow wow,

And cats and kittens say meow!

Quack says the duck, A horse says neigh,

Its quiet now....What do YOU say?"

Dark Moonies

Last week as I was riding into work there was a segment on the radio advertising a Cancer Support group. One of the women being interviewed had been a member of the support group for 4 years and cancer-free all of those 4 years.

She made a comment that as ugly and painful and intrusive as cancer can be that part of it is minimal compared to the lesson of love and acceptance that she experienced. She confessed that without being debilitated by cancer, which lowered her resistance, she would never have been in a place where she could have accepted the gestures of love and caring not just offered by friends but thrust on her by genuinely loving friends....."I'm coming over right now and washing your hair for you!"

I could hear the emotions rising in her, I could hear her throat tightening as she fought back tears.

Arriving at work, I unlocked the doors and prepared the offices for the day's work. I am an office manager at a health care clinic. As I checked patients in and out throughout the day the radio-woman's statement was always in my awareness. I noticed how some of our really ill patients were driven, driven, driven people. Their need to get some antibiotices in them and get their busy-selves back to the action was their utmost goal:

"Take a day off and rest? How can I?"
"but if I'm not there the world will forget to revovle?"
"Nothing will get done if I am not there!"

Now I am sure that if this blog was a mirror you could see your reflection and just as many of you are denying the reflection.

When we stop taking care of ourselves, when we detach ourselves from the rest of humanity...except that it is our responsibility to take care of humanity because, "heaven forbid, others should take care of themselves" our bodies yell..."STOP".

If we don't listen to the little tickle in our throats or the fact that our shoulders have migrated to a tight little condo about an inch below our ears than what choice does the body have but to kick our feet out from under us?

As I contemplate that minute or two of the radio broadcast my mind keeps asking the question, "Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could learn the lesson of accepting love and compassion and support without getting cancer?"

Is there a way to open our hearts to being loved without first having to be a victim of something? If allowing others to love us and help us when we are on our knees or flat on our back can make such an impact can you imagine how empowering it could be to accept those wonderful acts of genuine caring while we are strong and on our feet!

Last winter my friend Ingrid and I gathered our wits, our memories, our wisdom and our talents, our wishes and desires and dreams....spread them out across the dining room table and gave birth to the Pomegranate Project, Women Empowering Women Around The World. Our dream, to help women develop their own talents and skills, to educate them about the real history of women, to help women network and share their knowledge and experiences with each other.

An off-shoot of the Pomegranate Project was a class, Wandering By The Dark Of The Moon ~ A Daring Adventure Into The Enigma Called Woman. We begin the class in February of 2008. Many women showed up to the first class, some come whenever they can, one or two we never saw again, but those that commited to the class and have been there every dark moon and every full moon have grown in ways I cannot even dare to describe.

I've seen some eyes hooded and dulled by life's experiences sparkle again, I've seen postures change..."was she really that tall last year?" Some of the women have reached major professional goals, major changes in life long relationships, recommitting to making the personal changes to make those relationships thrive.

We have become friends and sisters. We support each other, nurture each other, kick each other's tushies if necessary (lovingly, of course). We have really grown together, we have learned to love each other, not just as individuals but as women, strong, gentle, nurturing, brave, empowered. We have learned to respect each other, and best of all, we didn't need to get cancer to do it.

Maybe the cure for cancer and all those other invasive ugly dis-eases is opening ourselves up to the inherent love in the universe!

Ingrid, Jane, Lyn, Roxie, Roxy, Yolan, Marcy, Cindy, Liz, Peg, Akaysha, Marie, Leslee, and all you other "Dark Moonies" I love you!