March 25, 2013

Synchronicity, Vulnerability and Shame

SYNCHRONICITY according to Mirriam-Webster is a noun. It is 
1 :the quality or fact of being synchronous (hmm, thank you M-W, glad I am not an alien)
2.:the coincidental occurrence of events blahblahblahblahblahblahblah. agrees that synchronicity is a noun but fills in some of the cracks.
1. coincidence in time; contemporaneousness; simultaneousness,
2. the arrangement or....                     
3.  a tabular ....                
4. physics, electricity ....             
5, Psychoanalysis. the simultaneous occurrence of causally unrelated events and the belief  that the simultaneity has meaning beyond mere coincidence.

I love synchronicity. I experience "simultaneous occurrences of causally unrelated events' on a daily basis and believe that the "simultaneity has meaning beyond mere coincidence".

A lot of it has to do with my guardian angels (or whatever one wants to call them), as they confirm my awareness of the synchronicities and at other times, they kick me in the ass because I failed to notice said synchronicities.

I turned 62 in January which made me eligible for retirement. I promised myself not to carry some baggage I had been carrying around with me for years into my retirement. I gathered a few things for a  clearing ritual, a few candles, some patchouli and sandlewood incense, not the smokey kind but the "essential oils" after all, I have learned something in these long years! I have a great collection of crystals, minerals and globes and a (shh, don't tell my Christian friends) several beautiful goddesses, so I gathered them 'round too.

I did a wonderful ritual. Some of my more sophisticated friends would say I released some old baggage, my woo-woo friends would say I performed a cleansing. Having decided to be more "authentic" in my third phase of life I basically just got rid of some shit!

Oh, but not all of it. Some of it has roots and the roots are intertwined with some of my beliefs, real visceral stuff. Called a therapist and decided to do the work to rid myself of the extra ballast ( that can be taken in many ways, so think what you will, dear Reader).

Lots of stuff coming up, just in time too, because apparently the visceral stuff literally attacked my viscera. I have lost my appendix, my uterus, my gallbladder, suffer incredible stomach aches when anxious or around my mother,  had a hernia with surgical repair and a heart attack.  I am getting the toxins out just in time because I am running short of disposable organs.

My therapist agrees that its mostly third chakra issues ( for my less woowoo readers this just means I 
have anxiety issues, hyper-vigilance issues, stuck in fight or flight mode, never felt protected so stuck in self-defense mode, basically some serious PTSD).

Once a week I sit with said-therapist, wonderfully intuitive and perceptive woman. We discuss issues such as vulnerability, shame, uncertainty, risks.  There are moments where my tears flow and other moments where glorious fireworks shoot around my head as I "get it"! 

Shame is a big one. Back to definitions, SHAME, also a noun; the painful feeling arising from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper, etc.

Synchronicity, as I've said, is a constant in my life but in the past couple of weeks I have become like  gravity; extracting every tid bit of coincidence from the universe that has to do with Vulnerability, Shame, Uncertainty and getting out there and taking risks.

Dr. Brene Brown, researcher and sociologist, has done several TED Talks and TEDx presentations.

About what, you may ask!

Shame and Vulnerability!

I ran across one of her presentations while surfing TED and, of course, checked out the rest.  Then, the last two consecutive Sundays, Oprah Winfrey interviews Dr. Brown on the Super Soul Sunday program.

What do they discuss?

Shame, Guilt, Vulnerability.

Several of the blogs that I follow on Blogger and WordPress, yup, Shame, Guilt and Vulnerability!

Everything the universe is throwing at me about those subjects is validation of my "aha's" during therapy and those quiet moments of contemplation when I discover stuff about myself, my light side and my dark side.  

Dr. Brown states that if you put shame in a petri dish and feed it secrecy, silence and judgement it will thrive and abound. When I was raped, my mother wrapped the event and, of course, me, in a steady diet of secrecy, silence and judgement, for years. Years!  The visceral monster in my gut has snared my organs and my self-esteem and my life in mutant ninja shame! 

The Good News? Yes, there is good news. Light, truth, awareness dries up Shame like a sponge on asphalt in a Redding August.  

'Bye Shame...not gonna miss you. 

Vulnerability, what say you and I get together this week and talk! 

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