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| The Guy! My Hero! |
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| Me! |
My folks heat pump is running on emergency, costing $700 plus each month. Mom is very frail physically, Dad is just a little behind. The cold gets to them and it has been cold up here. When I talked to Dad this morning he said it was cold in their house. I asked him if he and Mom want to come stay with us for a couple of days. He says Mom says that they are not allowed to go beyond their mailbox! I think she's afraid my sister and I will kidnap Dad (rescue him) from her!
It took us 10 days to get any service company to answer our calls to go out to check on the heater. Finally got someone out. Furnace is shot. They need a new one.
Got the bid on replacement. $10,000 plus (and that is with the senior discount). The Guy kept at it, kept calling and finally got another company to make an appointment to inspect unit to submit a bid.
Today The Guy and I were going to head out to folks house, take them breakfast and be there so that The Guy can help with conversation with service man and Dad. After service guy leaves, Frank would help explain things to Mom who is more deaf than a rock, a very mean rock!
Mom is having a major anxiety-control attack, wants appt cancelled, doesn't even want us there. Won't listen to why another guy is going out. Can't explain to you the chaos of our conversations with her over the phone, but it's not good. So I caved. Said I would cancel the appointment and we would stay home.
The Guy comes out of shower and I tell him we can't go. "Mom says no!" The Guy informs me that 'No" is not an alternative. He is going out to meet the guy. He called Dad, Dad says, C'mon down. (He'll pay for that one!)
I couldn't make myself go! I don't want to face Mom's tantrum when we get there. I can guarantee you that my dad is paying hell for it right now, at least until The Guy gets there. The Guy went alone to help my parents because I am too chicken to face the Wrath of Mom! What a poor excuse for a daughter. Just don't want to be her punching bag.
I texted my sister, "Damned if you do and damned if you don't"! She texted back that Mom has already called her to share the chaos, confusion and wrath!
So here I sit, a bit of coffee in my Bailey's, tail tucked between my legs.
How can anyone be afraid of an 89 year old, 82 pound woman?
Not afraid of her exactly, more afraid of my reaction to her madness. I don't want to say hurtful things (well, I do, believe me, but I try to avoid the circumstances when it is too easy to blurt out the yucky stuff). Being a good person is so easy around my dad, not so easy around Mom.
The Guy just texted. He's there and all is well. Mom's in peaceful (yeah, right) mood. She just loves The Guy and is always more calm when he is around. Maybe I should pour a little more coffee in this Baileys and stopping whining!
MOTHER FOR SALE
MAKE AN OFFER!
A little advice when it comes to caring for aging parents. Move to New Zealand!
My mother is 87 and she's a handful of mean and nasty. I don't really talk to her, not since our last fight. I had to hang up on her because she was calling me names as usual and I just didn't want to take it. So I understand the problem you are having with your mom.
ReplyDeleteSo you're adept at walking on egg shells!
DeleteOh, Toni, don't be too hard on yourself. How much nastiness and tantrums and wrath can someone take before they NEED to shut down or stay away? Honestly, I'm in awe that you even go the extra mile you do most days with your mother. Although I certainly understand you want to care for your dad who sounds like a sweetheart. Your guy loves you and this is his way of showing it. We care for each other as partners, don't we? Let him care for you and enjoy a little more Baileys :)
ReplyDeleteTo be honest, I want to take care of my mom, too. My sister and I just have to do it in small doses!
DeleteMy dad is a sweetheart. He and The Guy had a really nice time. Dad shared some old photos with him and told him some stories.
I don't know if New Zealand is far enough. I hear Antarctica is nice this time of year.
ReplyDeleteMaybe New Zealand with a ticket to Antarctica in my back pocket, just in case!
DeleteOh boy....do I know the wrath of a mother! This might sound horrible, but when my mother died, it was a relief.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't sound horrible, it sounds honest. It's the hardest thing to have a mother who doesn't know how to love.
DeleteBe happy The Guy is willing and happy to go. Mom is happy too. She cannot restrain herself when you are there, and that probably makes her unhappy and more bad tempered. It is good to have something good to insert between mom and yourself.
ReplyDeleteWin/Win situation. Maybe the 45 miles between us the way to keep it!
DeleteYour guy looks very decent and handsome gentleman dear Toni!
ReplyDeletei think you should not blame yourself for avoiding being around your mom
i experienced such hard days ,i used to bear all her anger which i did not deserved but i agree that as older we get we too be anxious and less patient so this is very sweet of your guy to go there and help them with their problems ,i can imagine how much you love him my friend because love proves itself through such hard times
The Guy really is a gem and a handsome one at that!
DeleteI am sorry that you had to experience the wrath of a mother that are taking care of. It is the hardest thing to do. Wanting to take care of her and knowing that everything and anything you do is going to be wrong. God bless you.
Hi Toni - that's great your hubby sorted their minds out for them and the heating guy was there. I was lucky with the first two (my mother and uncle) I looked after ... life ain't so easy now. But they need us - good luck as things move forward and enjoy them both - cheers Hilary
ReplyDeleteHilary,
DeleteWise words. It is a blessing to have gotten to know so much about my parents in these last couple of years. They both, when in good moods tell us the most wonderful stories and share some great memories. Dad is not only a man of integrity and a sweetheart, he has the best sense of humor. We do some good giggling with him!
You are blessed to have The Guy on your team...so are your folks. It is hard when they get so set in their ways, but age does that to an extent. You lose control over so many things that when you can, you dig in your heels. Bless their hearts. And yours!
ReplyDeleteI am blessed. He is so good with my parents.
DeleteToni, I'd move to leave all the toxic family drama most days. You are fortunate for The Guy. You did something right, you got him right? So there Mom! :-)
ReplyDeleteYup! I've got a great husband and ambassador!
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