Was that the Holy Spirit?

Something has changed in our world, it has slowly been gestating for the past 21 months. Consciously, I am ashamed to confess, I was unaware of what was happening, and, quite frankly, I am not just a little sad that I was so blind. Looking back I can recall little telltale hints and conspicuous prognostications of what was slowly growing and developing.

If I was truly aware, I would have been able to sense the beginning beats of her heart the first flutters of movement.

Though labor was extremely rough and perhaps long as we all waited through the day, some pacing, some praying and others dancing in anticipation. Millions of people were glued to televisions, radios, internet connections and each other. Many just as equally unaware of what was happening as we all awaited the outcome of the elections in the United States of America.

Tuesday evening, November 4, 2008, she was born. Many missed the moment of her first breath but the tears of her first cry were seen and felt around the world, but especially in the states. Some people were overwhelmed by the defeat of losing a long battle and in their sadness missed those precious minutes. Her birth was a monumentous moment in the history of the U.S.A. and, becuase of the the whoeness and energy of planet Earth.

Now, many missed her gestation period and even her birth, but even the blind could not miss her presence on Wednesday and Thursday and Friday. I'm not sure that she has been named yet, I'm not sure she can be named, for what name could be be worthy of her. You can see evidence of her in the softened faces of people of color. You can see her in the rounded threshholds where hard angry edges once existed.

She inspires hopes, dreams, and promises.

Obama promised change. Who knows what his challenges and successes will be or if he will be able to change anything as far as economics, education or wars are concerned but I know, in my heart of hearts that when he walked on that stage to accept his victory in the presidential election that something changed.

I witnessed it on the faces of every black man and woman in the audience and every day since then. It was a moment that we truly became brothers and sisters. My whole life I was raised by my parents to know that we were all brothers and sisters, equal, in the eyes of God, in the eyes of the law. November 4, 2008, my black brothers and sisters finally received the message.

Samhain, Halloween, All Hallow's Eve,

Don't you just love this time of year?

Crisp air...long nights.....curling up on the couch with an old soft quilt and a good book.....sipping hot tea on the patio while the wind blows leaves all around you...

...ladling a big bowl of hot homemade soup and fresh bread any time of night or day because it's been simmering on the stove or woodstove all weekend.....knitted over-sized sweaters and long skirts with cozy thermals underneath.....I Love These Days.

I can't wait for the little kiddoes to knock at my door tonight....I like to listen to their conversation as they come up the driveway, talking about the jack-0-lanterns and the leaves crunching beneath their shoes.

I love that the veil is thin and I am closer than ever to those ancestors who glazed the trail before me. I love the long, long nights....three big heavy quilts on the bed....pumpkin pies and zucchini bread....Yup, this is a good time of year....one of the best.

...and there was joy

I'm not sure how to start this blog...seems it might appear to some to be heretic mumbo jumbo but might ring true with others. It actually feels pretty right on with me and despite my creative, juicy, somewhat mystical way of thinking I am really a very logical person.

I believe that we have a divine heritage that we so often refuse to acknowledge. In the first book of the Bible, Genesis, we are introduced to the Spirit of God. We are told how the Spirit of God manifests so many wonderful new things, the universe, raging ocean waters, day and night, plants, grain fruit. God first thinks it, then it is, and then God has Joy in it. Now logically speaking what do we know about God and the Spirit of God?

1. The Spirit of God thinks it..(..what an imagination, if I do say so myself).

2. That which God has thought is manifested.

3. God had Joy in it!

Then God said, "Let us make man in our image!"...

Hmmm, I went for the grade instead of pass/fail in my college Logics class and I got an A, with very little kissing up so I feel pretty solid in stating that this logicaly makes me believe that our divine heritage, granted to us by God is that we can think it, co-create it ("let us") and that we should have JOY in it.

Now I don't take this lightly, despite my attempt at humor. There is great responsibility in this divine inheritance. There is the responsility of thinking good positve stuff. How many times have you been so afraid, investing your emotion and imagination in something terrible only to later say, "Oh man, that's just what I was afraid of!" Then there is that "Joy" thing, which to me means that whatever I create must not be at the expense of anyone for how can you have Joy in something if it is not good for all.

Then Jesus came and he said, You are my brothers and sisters and that which I can do you can do and more.

Now, what do we do with this incredible gift?

Filling the Well and Stocking the Pond

2009 is on it's way.

Have you packed for it?

These are my ideas on what to pack:

Integrity and Good Music.

Imagination and Good Books

Open Mind and Soft Shoulder

Creativity and Spirituality

Courage and a New Bathing Suit

Crystals, a Good Pen and Chewing Gum

Door knobs (in case some doors appear closed with no apparent means of entry...always carry an extra door knob with you)

Good Wine and Good Friends

Verboten Objects ~ What to leave behind:

Maps, Whining, Bad Attitude, Brussel Sprouts, Judgemental People and unfair judgements on my part

Be On The Lookout For:

Opportunity to tell loved one:

"I Love YOU"

"You are Special"

"You are important to me"

Miracles, Angels, Sunrises, Sunsets,

Good Books, Good Music, "Good Waves, Man"

Hugs, Kisses and Macaroons,

Vintage Linens and Gin & Tonics on a hot afternoon

Crystals, Naps and Opportunities for Growth

What are you packing, what are you leaving behind and what are you going to be watching for?

Soundtrack To My Life

Art by Toni Tona

Now we can call this blog Soundtrack to my life or we can call it putting off until later what I should have accomplished this morning.....Your call

Opening Credits:
Poems, Prayers and Promises ~ John Denver

Waking Up Scene:
Its a Beautiful Morning ~ The Rascals

Car Driving Scene:
I Can't Drive 55 ~ Sammy Hagar

High School Flashback Scene:
Hooked On a Feeling ~ BJ Thomas seguey into California Dreamin' ~Mamas and Papas

Nostalgic Scene:
Time In A Bottle ~ Jim Croce

Bitter, Angry Scene:
Draw The Line ~ Aerosmith

Break-up Scene:
Hit The Road Jack ~ Ray Charles

Regret Scene:
Let It Be ~ John Denver

Nightclub/Bar Scene:
Boogie Woogie ~ Tommy Dorsey

Fight/Action Scene: Can also be used for running into the grocery store to get those special items when I haven't put make-up on or I'm wearing my sweats without bra and undies!
Mission Impossible.....helloooo!

Saturday Morning/Cleaning the House Scene:
James Taylor's Greatest Hits or Anna Nalick depends on the degree of the mess!

Lawn Mowing Scene:
Sweet Home Alabama - Lynrd Skynrd

Sad, breakdown scene:
Forever Love (Digame) ~ Anna Nalick

Death Scene:
Mil Besos ~ Patty Griffin

Funeral Scene:
Poems, Prayers and Promises and Country Roads ~ John Denver

Mellow/Pot-smoking Scene:
Summer Breeze ~ Seals & Croft

Dreaming About Someone Scene:
Dreamin' of You ~ Selena

Sex Scene:
Has been censored from the movie version but as the scene fades away Lionel Richie starts to sing Brick House!!!!!

Contemplation Scene:
Unwritten ~ Natasha Bedingfield

Chase Scene:
The Merry Minuet ~ Kingston Trio

Happy Love Scene:
Theme from Tootsie It Might Be You ~ Stephen Bishop

Happy Friend Scene:
Boney Fingers by me with my kids singing along

Closing Credits:
Brown Eyed Girl ~ Van Morrison

Magical Places

Have you ever been merrily going about your life and suddenly realized that you have happened into a magical place? Did you shiver with the beginnings of goose-bumps? Or maybe while walking down the sidewalk or having lunch with friends you look up and there, across the way, is a magical person cleverly disguised as a normal citizen?

I'm thinking I am one of the lucky people because I have found myself in magical places quite often and have met (or just spied) some pretty magical people.

I grew up in Colorado ~ a wonderland in itself so you know that the individual magical spots are extremely enchanted. There was a gully behind our house on Meade Street that captivated the young mind, turned us into pirates and explorers, King's of Mountains one-and-all.

Then there was the old swing on my grandparent's front porch. Now that portico and it's enchanted swing held magical moments for several generations! A place of first kisses and good-bye kisses, fortune tellings and joke tellings, maybe a proposal or two and talking cats. The posts of the porch helped launch one young woman (who shall remain anonymous) on many adventures as it was the most covert access to the ground and therefore, the world, from her bedroom window.

When I was a little girl I would sit on that swing between my Aunt Janice and my loving Uncle Bill. We were only blocks from the Denver Zoo, so as we rocked back and forth on the old swing in the warm dark evenings of summer we could hear the growls of the lions and tigers, the ruckus of monkies and the odd calls of the peacocks. My aunt and uncle would talk to each other about the "escaped-man-eating tiger" or a gorilla who jumped bail! All to make me shiver and scoot up closer to Uncle Bill, for surely he would scoop me up and carry me into Grandma's house if a tiger jumped out of the bushes...or at least I could scurry into the house while the tiger devoured poor my poor uncle.

Our whole family once went to Mother Cabrini Shrine in the mountains, again while I was very young. Now that place is Goose-Bump-City! Even as a little girl I knew that I was smack-dab in the middle of something magic. Even the adults were different, found out much later that the adults were in a state which we call "reverence" and if you knew my family...well, reverence is a state we don't often visit!


If you've never been to Colorado in the autumn then you have truly missed a magical time. The Rocky Mountains are pretty magical any time but when whole ranges turn to shades of gold and red and orange....and you are a young girl running through the trees with your brother and sister and cousins....well, the term magical falls short, it is purely numinous.

Henry Cowell Redwoods...
...maybe not as famous as the grand Redwood forests of Northern California but oh so mystical and enchanted. The Elementals are everywhere and if you are young and haven't learned yet that you can't see them because they "don't exist" then you are never alone. This magical land in the middle of the San Francisco Bay Area is one of the last bastions for Brownies and Fairies and Gnomes. Don't get caught feeding them your pancakes in the morning...adults get aggitated to see a half eaten pancake scampering off into the undergrowth

About 10 years ago my daughter and I were driving across the states in a big yellow rented truck with her dog and her cat. She was leaving New York City and moving back to California. We hired a couple of hunky guys from Brooklyn to load the truck and then we took off, drove to Maine to find a rocky seashore, didn't find it (but that is another blog) and then cut across New Hamshire and Vermont and headed home. Now you know we saw many places. It was really quite the journey. We saw and heard and tasted and felt many many magical things but the most magical of all....truly the most magical of all was a rest stop in Nebraska!.....I swear on a stack of bibles and Betty-Crocker Cookbooks....it was a magical place of incredible dimensions.

It was just twilight, a pretty enchanted time anyway. We stopped and let Chief, her dog, walk around a little....Nikka, her cat would not come out from under the front seat since the mishap at a toll road a couple of states earlier( again...another blog/another time). It was just a rest stop. Bathrooms, water fountain, grassy area and trees. Anyone passing it on the highway might not take a second glance but the minute we stopped and got out we were both in awe. Something very special was happening here....we looked at each other and felt those goose-bumps tickling our necks and arms and running up and down our backs.

Without discussion we laid down in the grass and watched the trees gently swaying in the wind. Who knew a little rest stop in the middle of Nebraska.....hell, who knew anything in the middle of Nebraska could be magical. Who knew how long we laid there in the soft green grass...it could have been a lifetime...or just moments.

So, the point of my story today? Be Aware! Magic is everywhere. Know that there are lands of enchantment all around you. Let the magic fill your soul and take you to your own Never-Ever Lands. You don't always have to head for the North Star and turn left to get there.

Unsheathing your sword

Paulo Coelho writes,
"Every time a sword is taken from its sheath, it must be used. It may serve to open up a path, help someone, or brush aside danger - but a sword is capricious and does not like having its blade exposed for no reason.

This is why a warrior never makes threats. He may attack, defend himself, or retreat; each of these positions is part of the combat."

I check in with Paulo Coelho's blog regularly, never failing to gain some insight from his thoughts and ideas. If you are unfamiliar with him, he is the author of The Alchemist, as well as several other wonderful books. This morning's quote from him has touched my soul.

Words are also swords. When we pull that blade from the sheath of our minds it must be used, as Paulo states, "to open up a path, to help someone or to brush aside danger." The edges of our words are razor sharp and can cut mortal wounds,  Just as miraculously, with a regal tap on the subject's shoulders, words can bestow knighthood.

Choose wisely what your blade will be known for, for above all, it will be remembered that it was, indeed, your blade.

If You Ever Find Yourself In A Fairy Tale

Instructions

by Neil Gaiman

Touch the wooden gate in the wall you never

saw before.

Say "please" before you open the latch,

go through,

walk down the path.

A red metal imp hangs from the green-painted

front door,

as a knocker,

do not touch it; it will bite your fingers.

Walk through the house. Take nothing. Eat

nothing.

However, if any creature tells you that it hungers,

feed it.

If it tells you that it is dirty,

clean it.

If it cries to you that it hurts,

if you can,

ease its pain.



From the back garden you will be able to see the

wild wood.

The deep well you walk past leads to Winter's

realm;

there is another land at the bottom of it.

If you turn around here,

you can walk back, safely;

you will lose no face. I will think no less of you.



Once through the garden you will be in the

wood.

The trees are old. Eyes peer from the under-

growth.

Beneath a twisted oak sits an old woman. She

may ask for something;

give it to her. She

will point the way to the castle.

Inside it are three princesses.

Do not trust the youngest. Walk on.

In the clearing beyond the castle the twelve

months sit about a fire,

warming their feet, exchanging tales.

They may do favors for you, if you are polite.

You may pick strawberries in December's frost.

Trust the wolves, but do not tell them where

you are going.

The river can be crossed by the ferry. The ferry-

man will take you.

(The answer to his question is this:

If he hands the oar to his passenger, he will be free to

leave the boat.

Only tell him this from a safe distance.)

If an eagle gives you a feather, keep it safe.

Remember: that giants sleep too soundly; that

witches are often betrayed by their appetites;

dragons have one soft spot, somewhere, always;

hearts can be well-hidden,

and you betray them with your tongue.



Do not be jealous of your sister.

Know that diamonds and roses

are as uncomfortable when they tumble from

one's lips as toads and frogs:

colder, too, and sharper, and they cut.

Remember your name.

Do not lose hope — what you seek will be found.

Trust ghosts. Trust those that you have helped

to help you in their turn.

Trust dreams.

Trust your heart, and trust your story.

When you come back, return the way you came.

Favors will be returned, debts will be repaid.

Do not forget your manners.

Do not look back.

Ride the wise eagle (you shall not fall).

Ride the silver fish (you will not drown).

Ride the grey wolf (hold tightly to his fur).

There is a worm at the heart of the tower; that is

why it will not stand.

When you reach the little house, the place your

journey started,

you will recognize it, although it will seem

much smaller than you remember.

Walk up the path, and through the garden gate

you never saw before but once.

And then go home. Or make a home.

And rest.

Dark Moonies

Last week as I was riding into work there was a segment on the radio advertising a Cancer Support group. One of the women being interviewed had been a member of the support group for 4 years and cancer-free all of those 4 years.

She made a comment that as ugly and painful and intrusive as cancer can be that part of it is minimal compared to the lesson of love and acceptance that she experienced. She confessed that without being debilitated by cancer, which lowered her resistance, she would never have been in a place where she could have accepted the gestures of love and caring not just offered by friends but thrust on her by genuinely loving friends....."I'm coming over right now and washing your hair for you!"

I could hear the emotions rising in her, I could hear her throat tightening as she fought back tears.

Arriving at work, I unlocked the doors and prepared the offices for the day's work. I am an office manager at a health care clinic. As I checked patients in and out throughout the day the radio-woman's statement was always in my awareness. I noticed how some of our really ill patients were driven, driven, driven people. Their need to get some antibiotices in them and get their busy-selves back to the action was their utmost goal:

"Take a day off and rest? How can I?"
"but if I'm not there the world will forget to revovle?"
"Nothing will get done if I am not there!"

Now I am sure that if this blog was a mirror you could see your reflection and just as many of you are denying the reflection.

When we stop taking care of ourselves, when we detach ourselves from the rest of humanity...except that it is our responsibility to take care of humanity because, "heaven forbid, others should take care of themselves" our bodies yell..."STOP".

If we don't listen to the little tickle in our throats or the fact that our shoulders have migrated to a tight little condo about an inch below our ears than what choice does the body have but to kick our feet out from under us?

As I contemplate that minute or two of the radio broadcast my mind keeps asking the question, "Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could learn the lesson of accepting love and compassion and support without getting cancer?"

Is there a way to open our hearts to being loved without first having to be a victim of something? If allowing others to love us and help us when we are on our knees or flat on our back can make such an impact can you imagine how empowering it could be to accept those wonderful acts of genuine caring while we are strong and on our feet!

Last winter my friend Ingrid and I gathered our wits, our memories, our wisdom and our talents, our wishes and desires and dreams....spread them out across the dining room table and gave birth to the Pomegranate Project, Women Empowering Women Around The World. Our dream, to help women develop their own talents and skills, to educate them about the real history of women, to help women network and share their knowledge and experiences with each other.

An off-shoot of the Pomegranate Project was a class, Wandering By The Dark Of The Moon ~ A Daring Adventure Into The Enigma Called Woman. We begin the class in February of 2008. Many women showed up to the first class, some come whenever they can, one or two we never saw again, but those that commited to the class and have been there every dark moon and every full moon have grown in ways I cannot even dare to describe.

I've seen some eyes hooded and dulled by life's experiences sparkle again, I've seen postures change..."was she really that tall last year?" Some of the women have reached major professional goals, major changes in life long relationships, recommitting to making the personal changes to make those relationships thrive.

We have become friends and sisters. We support each other, nurture each other, kick each other's tushies if necessary (lovingly, of course). We have really grown together, we have learned to love each other, not just as individuals but as women, strong, gentle, nurturing, brave, empowered. We have learned to respect each other, and best of all, we didn't need to get cancer to do it.

Maybe the cure for cancer and all those other invasive ugly dis-eases is opening ourselves up to the inherent love in the universe!

Ingrid, Jane, Lyn, Roxie, Roxy, Yolan, Marcy, Cindy, Liz, Peg, Akaysha, Marie, Leslee, and all you other "Dark Moonies" I love you!

what a world

Today and for the past couple of weeks my emotions are overwhelmed. I feel like the witch in the Wizard of Oz must have felt when the house from No-Where fell on her, or how her sister felt when Dorothy threw the water on her and she melted away crying, "What a world....what a world..."

What a world. My heart aches for our world and for the children in this world. We see the shooting and bombing on the news and the internet. We hear that this country or that dictator in lands far away are doing horrendous things. We ask ourselves why the Russians are attacking Georgia; why do we have to send our young men and women to Afghanistan to kill or be killed, when will the the war in Irag be over....didn't we "WIN" that war years ago? Why can't the Muslims get along with the Jews or the Christians....Why is there so much terrorism in all "those other lands so far away"? Thank God we live in America....oh wait...America.

America. Isn't that the place where the nation is divided in half, Democrats and Republicans, conservative and liberals. Isn't that the place where for the past 18 months the nations next leaders and their cronies have been pointing their fingers, and calling each other names, speading lies and half truths, ridiculing each other and spreading hate, hate, hate?

How can I vote this year? Who could I vote for? How can I honor the winner in this nasty game as my leader when I know 3 year olds who are more well-behaved and respectful? What hope is there for the world when America, the land of the free, can't play well with each other?

Where are we that we can't see what a wonderful and exciting time this could have been that the playing field was leveled this year! Shouldn't we be celebrating that this new century brought out young and old, black and white, men and women? Shouldn't we be thinking that we are in a world of hurt and asking, "how can we come together, to work as a team, to cooperate and raise the bar?" Instead we are blaming each other "...he did it...nah-uh, he did it first....well he made me...."

I want a president that I can respect, I want a president that honors the people he leads and the people she needs to work with. I want a president who can stand up in front of the people and tell me the truth. I live in America and I am tired of the crap and the hate and the sensationalism.

I want to be told what you are going to do and try to do and how you are going to try to do it. Stop digging bigger holes, and for goodness sake, stop telling the world how stupid we are and what crooks the other team is....the other team might be the winner and then what!

If America is still the Go-to nation, the role model of how life should be, then, by all means, "stop the world, I want to get off."

Manual For Climbing A Mountain

Paulo Coelho....don't you just love him!

In this little masterpeice he writes, "Respect your soul, don't keep repeating, "I'm going to make it. Your soul already knows that, what it needs is to use the long journey to grow, stretch along the horizon, and touch the sky!" ( I am not sure if the quote is completely accurate but you get the idea)

If you concentrate so tightly on making it you end up at the summit the very same person who started the climb......

How many times I have done this exact thing. I have been so intent on climbing the mountain.....whatever the mountain is at the time.....that I forget to look out at the view, to smell the pine and listen to the wind....feel the rock in my shoe and take the time to remove it....the journey has become lost for the sake of the summit. Then I am there, right at the top....planting that little Toni-flag in the peak and wondering what's missing.....

Have you ever committed that sin against your soul? Forsaken the journey for the destination? Can the goal ever be as sweet as it can be if you have missed the details of the climb?

...and just because the mountain is there do you have to take a linear, do-or-die path straight up to the summit or is it equally respectful to your soul to wander around the mountain, climb a tree or two, make a new path, introduce yourself to the flora and fauna and ask how their day has been?

Who knows, once you've talked to an first-growth Sequoia, a granite boulder that was traveling since the ice age and a lizard or two, maybe the summit is not as tempting and your soul just wants to walk down to the river and swim.

aahhh.......satyagraha

What is satyagraha? It is a philosophy from India which means to do anything, give anything, sacrifice anything, to pursue what is right without harming another and to do this without regard for self.

Do you have the strength of character for satyagraha? I often wonder that about myself. I definitely have my values and principles and my list of things that start with,
"Well, I would never......."

But, would I? Do I?

I am a woman who has lived a blessed and gifted life. Many of the things I say I would never do, I say them because I have never been challenged by those circumstances. When you look at challenges from a distance they always seem to be constructed of black and white blocks but the closer you get to those challenges the blacks and whites fade to shades of grey.

Ghandi, a man who really introduced Satyagraha to the world at-large, a proponent of "passive resistance" and non-violence and was actually awarded a Nobel Peace prize was a great poser and coward it seems to me. He talked big in the world of men and politics but beat the women in his life. How does one live with those conflicts?

In the light of day with the world watching he taught one thing but behind closed doors he was a different person....

I pray for the strength of authentic satyagraha and that Father/Mother/God never test me.