August 02, 2017

Sizzle

Prediction for today's temperature is approximately 116 degrees, though it may only climb to 114, like yesterday.

Again, let me remind all, bad things can happen to anyone who responds to me with the ugly phrase, "yeah. but it's a dry heat!" I have a large array of cloth dolls and many, many long, sharp pins.

Will we be taking a long stroll on the River trail? No, we will not.

We will be working in the yard? Too late! It is only 9 a.m. and already 88 degrees.

We won't be riding bikes, picnicking in the park or strolling across the glass Sundial Bridge.

Photo Courtesy of Turtle Bay Exploration Park


Maybe we'll take the 45 minute drive up to Mt. Lassen and see if the roads are open yet. The record-breaking snow still has the road through the park closed. We could lay in the snow and pretend it is January. The photo below was taken on the weekend before July 4th!

Photo Courtesy of National Park Service


Frank says he needs a haircut and we need chlorine tabs for the pool. If I want to be with him, it means going in and out of air conditioned spaces and crossing hot asphalt parking lots. I want to be with him but walking through walls of hellishly hot air are so uninviting. What if the soles of our shoes melt?

I'm considering making him a deal. I'll match his two hours of errands together in hell town for four hours of swimming, a movie at the air conditioned dollar theater and a six pack of icy cold 805. I'll even have dinner delivered because this chick is not turning on any burners or ovens and absolutely not standing next to a lit gas BBQ. I'd even order pizza so it can be slid under the door, preventing a rapid loss of precious cooled air.

Better still, while he's getting his gorgeous silver wavy hair trimmed (which is a sin, I'm sure), I will run into Trader Joe's for a big, round watermelon. Juicy sweet melon with a bit of salt beats out pasta or steak on a day when it is just too hot to chew, right?

Graphic Courtesy of Deviant Art



If you don't hear from me in the next day or two, call the City of Redding Waste Management department and ask them to come scrape me off the sidewalk!




9 comments:

  1. 11:00
    103 and climbing...
    HELP!

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  2. Lord! Where are you that it's so hot? I also hate the phrase - it's not the heat but the humidity. Hot is hot!

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    Replies
    1. Redding is in northern California, about an hour south of Mt. Shasta! Always hot, hot summers. Great lakes for swimming to cool down though!

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  3. holy frijoles! too hot for me! yeah, who wants to eat in that heat!

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    Replies
    1. Smoothies and chilled wine...no chewing!

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  4. Ahhhh...perhaps one should look at is as if you were living in the North East during a terrible snow storm....JUST STAY HOME. Stay as cool as possible dear lady.

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  5. Staying home in AC sounds like the perfect solution. Yikes on that snow and we thought that New England had lots of snow leftover when we visited ski areas in May of this year.

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  6. I think staying home is great idea ,even not cooking is better ordering pizza sounds fine.
    I am stunned with this heat wave dear Toni but I LOVE your humor which makes me reread your posts often .

    Lots of snow in July and then suddenly as hot weather sounds like crazy climate .

    you will be in my prayers and yes don'y say trimming hair is a sin specially silvery one

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