January 11, 2015

Is "Love" a Verb?

Psychology researcher, Arthur Aron, conducted a study on intimate relationships and interpersonal closeness.

I believe one of the goals of the study was to analyze whether love is just something that "happens" to us or if it is an action that we can deliberately perform. Is love a verb?

Reading the questions, I was shocked to discover that, after 30+ years of marriage, there were several (many) answers that I didn't know how my husband would answer. Though I do know with certainty that he will not enjoy being asked all these questions in a 90 minute period! Many of these questions I've never even asked myself....but I will.

As I read them, the thought occurred to me that if more couples actually took the time to ask each other these questions before hopping into bed with each other, our nation's divorce rate might be considerably lower. Maybe asking each other these questions would also cause our marriage rates to drop too. It seems so many people get married because they both don't like mustard or some such nonsense, oh, and "bed" is so much fun!

Have you ever asked yourself these questions? Ever asked your spouse or your friends?

Set I
 1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
 2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
 3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehease what you are going to say? Why?
 4. What would constitute a "perfect day" for you?
 5.When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
 6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30 year old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
 7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
 8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
 9.  For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you've dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven't you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people's?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

25. Make three true "we" statements. For instance, "We are both in this room feeling...."
26. Complete this sentence: "I wish I had someone with whom I could share...."
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying thinkgs that you might not say to someone you've just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already?
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven't you told them yet?
34. You house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner's advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Having read these questions, do you know more about yourself? Do you think your partners answers will surprise you?


  1. p.s. I sing to myself every day, to my dogs every day and to my great-granddaughter every chance I get.

    I would invite Pope Francis over for dinner.

    The last time I cried in front of someone....I don't think a day goes by that I don't cry in front of someone but tears are not necessarily sad.

    If I could wake up tomorrow with one super duper quality or ability, I think it would be for a deeper, truer faith.

  2. ...and it would be really nice if that crystal ball could give me the numbers to Wednesday's Lotto!


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