April 24, 2017

A to Z Challenge 'T'

A to Z 2017 Theme: Rocks to Throw At A Hero Who Is Up A Tree!

Robin Carr, a well-published author describes a talented author as "someone who chases her hero up a tree and then throws rocks at her."

So, let's find some T-rocks to Toss!

Monday's are akin to the beginning of a story. It's a beginning but not THE beginning. There is some back story. Some of the Tale we need to Take account of, Though much can Tumble Through The cracks. It is the Task of the wriTer to Tell The difference.

Does the reader really care that our hero had Tamales and Too much Tequila for dinner on Saturday night? Not necessarily ( and neither do our co-workers on Monday morning), unless we Turned out To be allergic to corn masa, distilled agave, or Tossed in Trammel for actions caused by over-indulgence of adult beverages.  Tsk! Tsk!

Damn,  Our language is Truly Teeming with T-words! So much so That Trying to read upper case intrusions mid-sentence is Tough...so, this writer is going to forego the mid sentence capital T's in this pos beginning...now!

 Being fond of the name, the writer's hero's name is Toni. That's Toni with an i!

Thundering Thunderbolt, BatMan! Naming the hero one's own name causes Total writer's block, tout de suite!

Correction: The hero's name is Tatiana. She was on the Pep Squad in high school and was a baton twirler. (We don't need to know that....or wait...maybe knowing she is handy with a metal bar might help tweak the plot at the most opportune time!) We do, however, need to know that she was, is and will continue to lean towards the tom-boy side of gender behavior.

Tell me, please. Is Tom-boy politically correct or is "athletic" the more tolerable tag?

Moving on:

Tatiana is a talented translator for the Tactile Systems Technology, Inc (Note to self: Insert Boring Book Disclaimer (This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.)

On a TWA Trans-Atlantic flight from Toronto to Trondheim, Norway, Tatiana  takes a seat next to a tan, tense traveler in a finely tailored Zegna suit.

Attempting to temper his apparent anxiety, Tatiana pulls her trim flask filled with Blanton's Single Barrel Bourbon, offering Mr. Tension a taste. (I searched for a fine bourbon that started with a T  ~  Wild Turkey was all that I could find. That particular brand is the preferred bourbon of 'Toni', therefore, I looked for a less personal alternative!)

He tersely declined. Tactfully, she tipped the shiny flask back, taking a tiny taste.

Not wanting to suffer the tediousness of a long, sleepless flight, Tatiana booted up her Toshiba  laptop to tackle the task of keeping up with email.

"Tactile Systems, eh?"  queried the terse, tense traveler, presenting a glass filled with ice that he had ordered from the flight attendant. "I'll take a bit of your bourbon, that is, if the offer still stands!"

Closing the laptop, Tatiana poured amber liquid into his glass.

"Are you familiar with Tactile?" Tatiana quized, tapping his glass with her flask in a quasi-toast.

"Truth-be-told, I am flying in to Trondheim to tie up a real estate transaction for the new Tactile lab expansion." Testing the bourbon as it titillated his tongue.

Twinkle in his eyes, hand extended, "Terrence Tidwell, but call me Terry."

      Tractably innocent beginning to a tractile relationship, right?

      Possibilities for tantalizing moments, maybe even temporal (gratuitous or otherwise) relations?

      Potential for industrial espionage, Terry threatening thievery of Tactile Systems secrets?
      Could Terry be an air-marshal who saves Tatiana, fellow passengers and top-drawer bourbon from  terrifying terrorists?

     Is Tatiana in trouble with international criminals and Terry is an NSA agent protecting her from foreign transgressions.

 Is Wild Turkey, truly, the best bourbon or should Toni task herself with discovery a new treasured favorite?

Anyone want to traipse along on the taste trail with Toni? 

April 22, 2017

When I Grow Up!

This A to Z Challenge has been a life changer for me.

This week has been a little difficult with my precious granddaughter visiting but I'm still loving every moment. Writing, reading, sharing.

Words are my favorite things in the world, well, not counting my grandchildren, cheesecake, trees and a really good bourbon.

My all-time-favorite book is my big fat Etymological Dictionary. Looking up where and how a word was birthed. When it came into use; how it morphed into other meanings.

As I'm completing these challenges, I had an outrageous epiphany!

When I grow up, I want to a Lexicographer!

I really, really do!

Is 66 too late to return to college? Will my degree in Communication Arts help?

Words are just plain YUMMY!

A to Z Challenge 'S'

A to Z 2017 Theme: Rocks to Throw At A Hero Who Is Up A Tree!

Robin Carr, a well-published author describes a talented author as "someone who chases her hero up a tree and then throws rocks at her."

Being able to tell a good Story is probably one of the most wonderful gifts the universe can bestow on a person. At least, in my opinion. I'd rather have the ability to Spin a Suspenseful yarn around the campfire than have a couple of million dollars. (Not having a couple of million dollars qualifies that as an easy Statement to make!)

One of the challenges for a writer is to put to paper a personality with Soul, Spirit, and a Sympathetic nature but is a little flawed, The rocks we throw help the hero Summon the Spunk to rise to the occasion; to Solicit the Sweat and Strength to learn, to conquer, to Show the reader (and other characters) that they've got the Stuff!

So, if the hero's Shy,  the writer might aim some Situations where leadership is called for. Could be a Small Stage, Such as a town council meeting to a Spacious Stadium.

Say, the hero has Shown up in the story as a Successful, Stable Stockbroker. He is authentic and Sincere, yet begins the story with a wee bit Susceptibility towards Sanctimonious judgements.

What would a good writer throw at these characters to assist in their Shift?

What if the Shy, introverted Sara is tossed into the mix with Sanctimonious Sven?

Hmm, maybe Sven Should be in Realtor instead of Stockbroker? He might have a Segacious Strategy  to build a high-rise commercial building (Surely, for the betterment of the town) on land dedicated by the Settling Founding Fathers for Community Socializing (park and recreation center).

Shy Sara, Stands her ground. She Swallows her Skittishness and rallies the town to take s Stand!

There will be Skirmishes, Sarcasm, occasional Serious Sucking Face. but, Somehow, Sara and Sven will Step up and become true heroes, and, with luck, Score a little Gratuitous Sex,

What would you throw at your hero that assists in growth?

Please, writers, don't put 4 inch heels on a woman who is going to Stroll throw a park.

Just Sayin'

A to Z Challenge 'R'

A to Z 2017 Theme: Rocks to Throw At A Hero Who Is Up A Tree!

Robin Carr, a well-published author describes a talented author as "someone who chases her hero up a tree and then throws rocks at her."

RRRRRRR you ready?

Let's throw those Rocks at our unsuspecting heroes!

Much like 'M', 'R' is a goldmine of delicious words.

The slinging of rocks could even begin with defining the hero!

Is she a Retiring Recluse Residing in Roatan?

Is she a Rebellious Revolutionary Relishing in Random Romps (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)?

Is he Regal Royalty with Repulsive Relatives?

Is she a Recalcitrant Realtor in a Ramshackle economy?

Is he a Radiologist trapped in a lab filled with Radioactive Remnants of WWWIII?

Is she in Retail?

Stop! Enough rocks? Moving on.....

April 21, 2017

A to Z Challenge 'Q'

A to Z 2017 Theme: Rocks to Throw At A Hero Who Is Up A Tree!

Robin Carr, a well-published author describes a talented author as "someone who chases her hero up a tree and then throws rocks at her."

Don't get Quamped about 'Q' words. There are plenty of Quirky ones to go around.

Our "Q" hero, Quinn, is a farmer who lives on the outskirts of the  Quaint town of Boston in the later 1700's.

Minding his own business as he was taking a Quick stroll down to the docks, he heard quite a commotion. (have you ever notice that many a rock as lobbed at a hero while he/she are minding their own business?)

Reaching the harbor and docks, he witnessed Quarrelsome citizens (the Sons of Liberty) disquised as Native Americans, tossing shipping chests into the sea. The crates and tea that the wooden boxes held were quickly becoming Quaggy, some sinking to the bottom of the Boston Harbor.

Personally fed up with having to house British soldiers (Quasi-gentlemen) in his home due to the the Quartering Act of 1765, not to mention taxation without representation and political bullies in powerful positions, Quinn rolled up his sleeves, climbed onto a boat and started tossing crates of tea into the harbor.

His quick action almost made it impossible to use the word Quandary, but I did it anyway.

British Soldiers came to rescue the Kings tea! In Quavery voices, they yelled for the crown to Quit and to disperse. To the angry citizens, the soldiers orders resembled the Queepling of baby ducks.

Difficult to ignore the Quisquos, The American Revolutionary Way...if you owned a rifle, you were Qualified to be a revolutionary soldier.

The war was ugly, as wars are and it wasn't Quick but America won it's independence from England.

Quinn survived the war, sold his farm and with Quivering knees, headed west to Quomodocunquize.

And that, my friends, is an entirely new collection of rocks.

April 19, 2017

A to Z Challenge 'P'

A to Z 2017 Theme: Rocks to Throw At A Hero Who Is Up A Tree!

Robin Carr, a well-published author describes a talented author as "someone who chases her hero up a tree and then throws rocks at her."

Puh-puh-please! Bear with me on this one. I Promised to Participate but 'P' has me Perplexed!

Maybe we should start with Genre.


Pioneer Trail: finding water, hot sun, bad guys, cattle rustlers, ruts in the road-lots and lots of ruts.
Plains Indians: Friendlies, not-so-friendlies,
Posse's; Good guys hunting for the bad guys, bad guys pretending to be good guys hunting down the real good guy, impulse management issues, hitting a moving target with a six-gun from a galloping horse.
Pewter Spatoons: ew! (No Google to look up how to spell spatoons, spetoons, spitoons, sputoons, spotoons?)


Puzzles: Who done it?
Package: What's in it? Where did it come from? Where did it go?
Place: Fog and Mist, Haunted House, Cabin in the Woods, Manhattan Penthouse,

Science Fiction:

Planets: colliding, blowing up, being attacked
Planetary Anomalies: Volcano, Pacific Rim Collapse, World Wide Earthquakes
Para Beam: Light of paralysis
Parenthood Lottery: You get one and you don't!


Passion: His? Hers? Unwanted? Desired but M.I.A? Gone (sad face!)?
Poem: Mysterious author? Threatening? Promising? Anonymous?
Party: Dancing? No dancing? Can't dance because of a hole in the back of your only party dress?


Phantom: Opera, Grand Ole Opry, Cabin In The Woods (beware cabins in the woods!) Corn Field
Pitchfork: Which would probably include Puddles of Plasma!
Poltergeist: Just a tad bit friendlier than Phantom!
Paizogony: Too busy fooling around to see the guy in the hockey mask sneak up on them?

Oops!  Gotta go.

Picking my granddaughter up. She is on a Plane from the East Coast coming to visit Nana!

April 17, 2017

A to Z Challenge "O"

A to Z 2017 Theme: Rocks to Throw At A Hero Who Is Up A Tree!

Robin Carr, a well-published author describes a talented author as "someone who chases her hero up a tree and then throws rocks at her."

Oh my! Now this may truly prove to be a challenge.

Off the top of my head, the most Odious rock that comes to mind, is that the first chapter Opens with Oliver Omitting to the Office Overseer that Obvious Obstacles  were Omitted from the project Outline. On the spot, the Overseer Observes Official procedures and Ousts poor Oliver.

Oliver takes the O train home. Entering the residence and discovers Obscenely intimate and Offensive activities between Mrs. Oliver and with Olin, the Oliver's personal ( and Over Paid ) Oenophile. By the way, they are drinking Mr. Oliver's last bottle of  Chateau Margaux, 1787 (a mere $225,000 bottle that he was saving for retirement).

Mrs. Oliver; Out with her Opals and Oboe but Only the clothing she was wearing when discovered! That would be Only the suit she was born in, though it was somewhat wrinkled from Over use.

Olin the Oenophile: Out with Mrs. Oliver and the cork from the Open bottle into the street.

Obliged to take on another Occupation in an Obscure, remote village, Oliver is forced to take a position on Omar's chicken farm as an Poultry Offal Icer. (yes, Offal Icer a real occupation! Vitally important, for chicken shit must be iced to prevent it from spoilage(...it's true, I read it on the internet!)

On my Oath, this is a true story. Oliver fell in love with an Orthodontist who's violet eyes and wavy hair that smelled like Old Spice.

The two love birds sold the Orthodontic practice, felt Obliged to free the captive poultry providing each with chicken sized RESIST t-shirts and Pro-Vegan ankle bracelets.

They married in an Observatory in Orick, California, each inviting close Sasquatch friends to stand as their Best Man/Men.

They adopted 4 children, though one of the kids was extremely hairy and smelled just a tad better that chicken offal until Oliver purchase a Mango-scented hair conditioner, They Observed a vegetarian life style and lived happily ever after in Oregon growing marijuana and apricots.

Obviously, this wasn't resolved in 6 paragraphs, but the writer took just under 25,000 words to sling, then Obliterate the rocks. There were many Obnoxious people, an Obscene strip joint and drunk cops watching pole dancers, Objectionable confrontations and many a pair of shoes that were ruined in  Poultry Offal prior to freezing.

 Post Script: No redeemable value in reading this book but if you can score a sip of the wine,
Go For It!

A to Z Challenge 'N'

A to Z 2017 Theme: Rocks to Throw At A Hero Who Is Up A Tree!

Robin Carr, a well-published author describes a talented author as "someone who chases her hero up a tree and then throws rocks at her."

Not to get Nasty but 'N' can be quite Nebulous and Negative. Thankfully, 'N' counters with many Nice aspects.

Today's writer may put words to paper, creating a News Reporter working for the New York Times covering National News  in 2017.

Sometimes the biggest rock can seem like a Handout, yet Hold Hidden, foreboding perils.

For instance, what could be better more Newsworthy than a Narcissistic, Nihilistic, Nefarious Nutbag in the White House? The Nepotism alone is Notorious Nonsense.

Our hero is enveloped in a wealth of Nutty events to report. (using adjective 'nutty' only because it is an "N" day but personally believe that erratic, irrational, bizarre, paranoid, preposterous, daft, deranged, maniacal, psychopathic would all be better suited adjectives)

Though monumental, this nettlesome blessing (oxymoron, I know!) may ruin her career, as Nutso 45 (not to mention any proper Names) points a stubby little finger yelling, "Fake News, Fake, News!"

Will our News Reporter be able to sleep at Night without developing the Nightmarish Neurosis of Not waking up, as is happening to many purported persons-of-interest in the  scandal of Nutbag's getting in bed with our National Nemesis?

Will her work be Negated by Nutbag's ignorant minions?

Will Nutbag grab her Nethers? Will his Tweets Needle her, ad Nauseum?

On the flip side, will our Noble hero be Nurtured, her body of work affirmed by the majority of world's citizens who can see through 45's con?

No!  No more 'N's! I've made myself too Nauseated to push forward!

 Please forgive me.
I Nabbed an A to Z Challenge 
due to my recalcitrant Nature to 
Needle the Noodle in the Number 1 Nest! 

Little does Nutbag realize that he is not Nobility residing in an ivory tower. Just a Wanna Be pretending to be king. Wake Up, Nutso, and go home to your gilded tower.

Oops, I did it again!


 (Not Really!)


April 14, 2017

A to Z Challenge 'M'

A to Z 2017 Theme: Rocks to Throw At A Hero Who Is Up A Tree!

Robin Carr, a well-published author describes a talented author as "someone who chases her hero up a tree and then throws rocks at her."

M! Oh you magnificent letter! You possess a Myriad of Stones to throw at a hero!

Most of your marvelous M-bombs are appropriate for any genre...except children's literature.

Most obvious of all:

Murder (Who has been liquidated? Who is going to be liquidated? )

The Mayor?
The Magistrate?
Hero's best friend, Margaret?
Hero's husband, Manuel?
The Maid?
The Stage Manager?

When did the Murder happen?

Twenty years ago?
Two weeks ago.
It's happening now while hero hides under desk of the victim! ("why, oh, why is this happening now, the information is  still being downloaded onto thumb drive")
Will her cell phone ring while she is in hiding?

Murder automatically leads us to  


Who done did it!

Does the writer let the reader know?
Do we nervously shift in our seats every time hero gets close to the Murderer?
Does the hero know but we are left to sift through the clues?
Is hero being hunted by bad guy?
Is the killer hiding behind every door and in every shadow?

Machete? ew!

Was it the weapon of choice?
Unable to locate a Machine Gun for protection is it the only available alternative for hero to protect herself. (nah, smart heroes keep Mace handy...oh, but what if the writer doesn't know that?


Run down?
Magnificent but Menacing?
Inherited just in time to save hero's Mental Health but in need of Maintenance?

Mental Health:

Depression (hero? husband? Mayor? )

Marooned and Moneyless...it could happen!

Meteor Racing to Earth

Mirthless Deputy U.S. Marshall

Does he believe hero?
Does he hunt her down?
Does he find the one-armed man in the creepy Undercover Boss wig?


Planning hero's dream wedding?
Dreading exchanging vows with a Man her father chose for her/him?
Is the groom's nature dark and Menacing  but she falls in love anyway (refer her to Mental Health!)
Do the Mom's hate each other and they're interfering in ceremony plans?
Is Mar-a-Lago no longer available due to an overabundance of NSA agents occupying the  grounds and rooms?
Is hero's marriage failing?
Is someone standing in the way of upcoming wedding (Westboro Baptist Church, Mom, the Mayor)?


What the hell are you doing in the southern hemisphere this time of year?


Are they poisoned?
Is hero allergic to almonds?


Is he blackmailing you; holding the title to your grant hostage until you do his bidding?


Is there a wizard living under your staircase?
Can our hero create chocolate goodies that make even the meanest man's dreams come true?
Does hero's Mad auntie keep putting Men who come courting in jars and storing them in the pantry on the Toxic Herbs shelf?


Did hero take a wrong turn on a back country road?
Did hero forget her map at the creepy hotel as she narrowly escaped out the back window?
As the Moon rises and the Mist Moves in, is all GPS and cell reception lost?
Does hero's Mazda, Mercedes, or Mercury Mountaineer run out of gas Miles from who-knows-where?


Beware the ides...


Too much?
Not enough?
Wrong kind?

Methane Gas

Is Garth eating beans again?
Is there an impending explosion and the clock is ticking?

Men In Black

Is there a black helicopter hovering above hero?
Does a black Cadillac Escalade follow hero into the isolated parking structure?


Hear any howling?
Any scratching on the window?
Will hero put her four inch spiked heels on to go investigate (does she take a wooden spoon for protection)?


Is it written on the back of a napkin?
Inside a matchbook, slipped to you by the Moroccan bartender when you order a Manhattan?
In a bottle on the beach?


Don't walk through it and if you do, don't talk to strange cats or rabbits.
Remember that things are backwards in there and yes means no and no means yes.

Dear M,
I could play with you all day, alas, I have painting to accomplish and furniture to put back in place.

April 13, 2017

A to Z Challenge 'L'

A to Z 2017 Theme: Rocks to Throw At A Hero Who Is Up A Tree!

Robin Carr, a well-published author describes a talented author as 'someone who chases her hero up a tree and then throws rocks at her."

Lobbing rocks at heroes truly depends on who they are and what they do. These attributes define the types of trees they're pushed to climb.

A Laconic Linguistics Lecturer can get lost in a Labyrinth of Legitimate obstacles:

1.  The Lecturer might be Lacerated to the quick by a Zambian professor with complaints about her use of past tenses in the Lozi Language. If he files a formal complaint she could Lose her License to deliver vocal seminars. Would she be tempted to save her Livelihood through illegal manuveurs?

2.  A Loathsome, Limerent stalker, Lurking on the steps of the Library, might be motivated  into Lubricous actions, whisking Linguistic Prof away to his Lair against her wiLL!

A Lionhearted Librarian (Information Technologist for you Politically Correct types):

1.  She might have observed the kidnapping of her rival for the position of Dean of Linguistics on the Lower steps of the bibliotecha!  At first she is Leery of Lending a hand. Later, pushing through the Lily-Livered stage, she could be prompted into action.

2.  Upon informing the Law about the supposed  shanghai of her rival, the Police Chief impunes her statement. She is advised to seek the council of a Lawyer.

A Lonely Lawyer:

1.  Longs to Legally Look after her Lathy client. She must protect the bibliognost from Landing in Lock-up for a crime she didn't commit.

2.  Lawyer Laments that her new client could possibly be the Love of her Life but to act on her feelings could be construed of Lewd and Lascivious actions.

3.  The rules of Client/Attorney relations prohibited further active demonstration of her emotions...must compose self and remain Level-headed. 

4.  Love sick Lawyer could be Led astray!

All three of the potential heroes above have, in someway, had a Lecherous Lift Attendant tossed at them who kidnaps Lovely Ladies from Library steps or Lobbies.

Loyal Readers. what do you think the Likely outcome will be? 

Who will have the Last word?

Have you ever considered a career as a Lithographer?


Paint! Paint! Paint!

Will it ever come out of my hair?

How did it get on my elbow?

That looks like my footprint but I swear it's not!

HEY!  Why is this nail still here and who painted it...

A to Z Challenge "K"

Robin Carr, a well-published author describes a talented author as 'someone who chases her hero up a tree and then throws rocks at her."

A to Z 2017 Theme: Rocks to Throw At A Hero Who Is Up A Tree!

Many stories have a pair of Heroes, much like today's tale of two Kindhearted brothers with a Knack for walking into real live Koans  that make the most devout Buddhist runneth over in Zen bliss!

Kane Kildare is a Kelp Cutter;  Keegan, the younger, is employed as a Knock-up Assembler though he is quite accomplished and Keen on designing and building his own furniture.

Born and raised in the township of Kinvarra, in the south of County Galway, Ireland, the brothers Kildare are 'ar laethanta saoire' (Knocking around on vacation ) in the Greek Isles.

No longer Kids, but handsome young men with the deepest azure eyes in the Emerald Kingdom, and an Irish brogue that inspires action of the most Knackered woman.

Naive Knaves, both, sailed to Greece to seek a great adventure on warm beaches and blazing sunshine, Kept at bay in their homeland by rain and fog.  Kissing lovely Lassies was also high on their list of To-do's.

Rocks to throw at our unsuspecting Gaelic Knights!

Yes, it is K-day but, let's face it. However one spells it, Hormones are the biggest rock to through at young men. Actually, throwing is not necessary. A light toss will do the job!

Knowledge of local customs (or lack thereof):

"Brother! I can't believe my own eyes! Do you see the Knot of winsome women clustered around the “tine chnámh”  in the townsquare?  This is St. John's Eve! Let's jump the fire with the bonnie lasses!"

Unaware, Kane and Keegan walked into the Greek form of St. John's Eve, Klidonas.

Klidonas: St. John's Eve is also celebrated by gathering around large bonfires, men and woman, boys and girls, though 'jumping the fire' in couples is not as common as it is in Ireland. Our boys flirt around, grabbing many a hand of fine looking young women and urging her to leap the flames with them.

Too late to Google Greek traditions....Prior to going out to the bonfires, the unmarried women gather to fill jars with 'silent water', wrap the jars in red cloth then place the jar under their beds. That night, after fanning the waves of passion by the fires, many will dream of their future husband.

Having held the hands of Keegan and Kane while jumping the fire, as well as walking in the woods, Kara and Kineta, experienced passionate dreams of of our Irish lads.

Additional rocks...

Kara's Kick-boxing, Khaki wearing, brothers, Kyle and Kevin.

Kineta's Kingly father with a Killer-instinct for players

Knobby village prophet

Leaky Keel of the get-away boat

Kelp-Forest Cam...no hiding for these boys!

Photo Courtesy of Jim Patterson Photography

Writing and Keeping their marriage vows.

Moral of the story?  Always Google local traditions before venturing into foreign soil...or waters!

April 12, 2017

A to Z Challenge "J"

Robin Carr, a well-published author describes a talented author as 'someone who chases her hero up a tree and then throws rocks at her."

A to Z 2017 Theme: Rocks to Throw At A Hero Who Is Up A Tree!

Being the week before Easter, one might think I would Juggle some J's and throw our hero into the mix in Judea or Jerusalem. One would be wrong!

Jacqueline lives on the Jersey Shore.  She isn't even Jewish! Yesterday, she would have been Italian, but, alas, this is J day which make Jacqueline Jamaican, mon!

Early every morning before court, Jacqueline Jogs through Jefferson Park, across the street from the Cape May Courthouse. 

She is in the running for a Superior Court Judgeship in the Jurisdiction of Cape May, named for the 17th-century Dutch explorer Cornelius Jacobson Mey. (Sorry about the spelling, Cornelius, but it is the Jersey Shore!)

Rocks to throw at Jackie!

A Jealous Jurist:  Jared Johnson, a lower court Judge, Jonesing for the Jacqueline's popularity but lacking her Joyful, Juvenescent personality.

Jumentous Janitor from Juneau: Jingling keys and pushing brooms, Jordan, seems to be everywhere, often quite Jumpy.

Jolly Jailer: Jeb, is consistently Jocular and Jubilant. Catching Jacqueline in the halls he Jests and Jokes!

Judgemental, Jaded District Attorney: Janice is a grump, over-worked, underpaid and, in love with Jared the Jowly!

Now, this outline is somewhat Jaggy, but you get the Jist, right?

Jacqueline's life is in Jeopardy.

The bad guys, Jared and....wait for it....Jovial Jeb-the-Jailer are Jointly conniving to Jump Jackie while she is Jogging. Apparently Jeb's Jocose disposition is Just a cover.  At his core he is a Jellied Jeering Jerk!

Hard-working, ever-present, Jordan-the Janitor, having taken up residence in the courthouse basement, has overheard the Jerks Jive-talkin' regarding their reprehensible Jig.

Early, one misty January morning, Jackie is, indeed, ambushed. Jeb Jabs at her with a sharpened Jawbone he lifted from the Jail evidence locker while Jared Jeers from the Jungly  foliage.

Jordan Jumps out to rescue Jackie!

Too late!

The Jerks, lay groaning on the ground holding their Junk. Jackie always knew her Jujitsu would come in handy!

Jackie and Jordon Jaywalk the two thugs straight to D.A. Janice's office.

Janice Jilt's Jared.

Bad boys go to Jail.

Jackie, Jordon and Janice go out for a Jaunt and Juice!

Drink Judiciously!

April 11, 2017

A to Z Challenge 'I'

Robin Carr, a well-published author describes a talented author as 'someone who chases her hero up a tree and then throws rocks at her."

A to Z 2017 Theme: Rocks to Throw At A Hero Who Is Up A Tree!

Identification of the protagonist' Idiosyncrasies is Initially one of the first Items of a writer's responsibilities to a story. The reader must know why the Hero does what she does as she Interacts with the rocks tossed her way.

Is she Intense and Independent? Is she Imaginative and Impulsive? Does she suffer from Insomnia and If so, why? Is she easily Intimidated, pulling an Inhaler out at the slightest sign of Impediment? Is she an Intellectual reaching for her tattered copy of Plato's The Republic?

Isabella is our Intelligent, Indefatigable hero of the day.

Her Irascible father, Inflicted with an Incalculable case of Intermittent Explosive Disorder, Induced Insanity in Isabella's mother resulting in Mama's Institutionalization.

Twenty-year-old Isabella is Immediately hustled off to America to live with her mother's sister, Zia Imogene.

As Americans are Innately Inclined to do, Isabella's new friends nickname her Izzy!  Of course, Zia Imogene had also been Americanized. She insists on Izzy calling her Auntie Gina. (Initially, the writer will Insist the Inclusion of this little Indulgence but the  story's Editor (Impartially Insolent) will cut it with Irate Insistence). 

Isabella, being the Industrious Individual that she is, works with Interminable diligence,  saving enough money to travel back to Italy to seek her mother's release from Crazytown, and to Insure her father is Imprisoned.

Viola! Plan successfully Implemented!

In spite of:

Insurmountable Odds

Impassive Information Clerk

Indifferent Investigators

Impertinent Interpreter

Ignorant Internist

Inspired by:

Innovative Instructor

Intriguing Inspectors 

Impressive Irish Moss Gatherer (In soooo many ways!)

Inappropriately-Timed Intimacies (gratuitous yet Ineffable sex)

Intrepid Izzy and no-longer Inhibited Mama Inhabit an Impeccable, Indigo Cottage  on an Island with the Indigenous people happily ever after.

p.s. soon to be joined by Impressive Irish Moss Gatherer! 

April 09, 2017

A to Z Challenge 'H'

Robin Carr, a well-published author wrote, "A great writer chases her hero up a tree and then throws rocks at her."

A to Z 2017 Theme: Rocks to Throw At A Hero Who Is Up A Tree!

The expression, "starving artist" is not new to any of us. Well, writers are artists, too, and many of us are just as Hungry!  In fact, our Handsome, Hunky, Homeless Hero has a huge target on his back because Haggard writers can be quite Heartless.

Grab a Hunk of Ham and let's Hurl some stones!

Today's H rocks! 

Hits-the-skids:  Henry, his friends call him Hank, just lost his job as a Hostler, a victim of down-sizing in a declining economy (Damn, I could have used that in the "D's").

Hopeless Happenstance:  Jobless equals money-less, our Hero feels Hung-out-to-dry

Harold the Hostile Homeowner discovers that Hank-the-Hero has recently fluctuated from a Haves to a Haves-not status, Hence the Homelessness.

Heave-Ho: (refer to Hostile Homeowner)

Hot-Headed yet Humble Head Honcho: Harley, owner of the small-time Hometown cafe, bar,  diner, Hangout, Hires Hank to Hackle dishes and flip Hamburgers after a profoundly Harsh Harangue. 

It is up to the writer to choose the subject of the lecture, Hence, I will continue on to next rock!

Horny Horticulturalist,  Boy, can Hank flip a burger with those Hunky gunboats. Hannah, the plant lady, is Hooked. Poor Hank, he is Hesitant to respond to her overtures due to his impoverished state. Hank is Honorable, which, in itself is not a bad thing but it tends to lead even the Hunkiest of Hunks to a celibate life.

Howling Hell Hounds: Better get your Hienie Higher up that tree, Hank. (Where is Dean Winchester when you need him?)

Horrendous Hillbilly Hockey Player, ex-boyfriend of Hannah. Drives a Hummer and carries a Hammer and sticks, lots of long, painted sticks.  Side note: He purchased the vehicle to make up for other inadequacies  (wink, wink, nudge, nudge). Of course, Hannah has put a Halt to the relationship with toothless Half-wit Howie but he won't take the Hint (and he does carry that big ol' hammer).

Homeland Security Agent. Harry, a Hometown boy, finds Hank on the side of the Highway, having been Hijacked by said Hummer Half-wit.

"Holy Hell, what Happened to You?" grilled the government gumshoe. (Damn, I really could have used this phrase on Friday; maybe next year!)

Yes, the hammer is real. Yes, it Hurt. Yes, a ride to the ER would be nice.

During the ride to the Hosptial, Hank unwittingly divulges information regarding random Heinous Hardware Held in the Hummer.

"Hallelujah!"  Helpful Agent Harry (as opposed to Hairy Agent...ew!) Hollers, "We've been Hunting for a traitorous, Hoodwinking Hooligan Heterodox! It must be Howie!"

Hooking a right into the hospital parking lot, Hank spies the Hummer!

Oh, no! Hannah is being Held Hostage by Hateful Howie.

"Hand Her over, you Hustler!" Hank demands as he painfully hoists himself from the government vehicle.

Howie pulls a bloody hammer out from behind him.

Thankfully, Agent Harry is carrying Heat.


Hole in one, hammer and Howie Hit the ground.

Hastily, untying Hannah, Hank holds her in his arms. Hugging, they kiss while Harry and local PD huddle in Hushed voices.

Hannah whispers, "Take me Home, my hero!"

 "Holy Hell," exclaims the exhausted Homeland Security Agent, 
"I've never heard a Hokier story...ever!

April 08, 2017

A to Z Challenge 'G'

A to Z Challenge: Rocks a writer throws at the hero once she's been written up a tree!

Gloria is our heroine of the day. I chose this name because it reminds me of my teenage years. Gloria was pretty much the only song 3/4 of the teenage boys could play on the guitar in the '60's, some better than others, but none very well!

Gloria's author has written her up a very immature tree; the trunk barely holds up under the slightestest of breezes.

Gloria begins the story with a Gambit of eccentricities. She is a Genius, yet a bit Gauche; her awkwardness coming from being raised by a Grandiose but Garish Grandmother and a ghoulish uncle. 

Gloria's life with Gigi (granny) and Garth (uncle) is definitely grueling until their untimely death in an especially Gruesome Garage explosion.

Gloria, naturally, inherits the estate, including the Gardens and Grounds.

As Gloria...no, that name will not do...let's Go with Gabriella; heroines need 4 syllable names, it adds a touch of drama.  

"Gnawing at her lower lip"  (cliche, yes, but it works, just one of her Glaring eccentricities) : As Gabriella packs up Gigi's and Garth's Gear she discovers Garth's journal (dang, I was saving Journal for 'J' day). Many entries suggest things hidden; secrets; tragedies! Too bad about the lip though.

What rocks can our writer throw at Gabriella?

Groom. Is she a bride or does she visit the stables?

Gold? Yes, treasure! Once the mystery is resolved, what Gems will be unearthed?

Global Warming!   Will the rising water from melting glaciers bury the secrets forever?

Genteel Gentleman. Good Guy or bad Guy? Garrulous and Glib versus Good and Grounded? Will a Gesture of helpfulness be sincere or is it sinister and self-serving?

Gargantuan Gaffe. Does Gabriella share too much with the wrong dude? Does she not question why his Glove was found in the conservatory with a candlestick? Should she have let him kiss her?

Gift. Beware a stranger bearing gifts! On the other hand, don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

Government.  This could be very, very bad! Why is the FBI investigating Uncle Garth's Gig?

Goodbye's.  Ah, Gabriella was too gullible to Uncle Garth's partner's, (Garrett) Gossip, motivating her to Gainsay all the Generous and altruistic Gestures of the good guy. Bye, Guy!

Have no fear, Guy will return at just the right moment. Probably in the dark boat house, at midnight, when Gabriella leaves the safety of the house to investigate the light she Glimpsed while Grabbing a midnight snack.

Glaring Error. Puh-lease! What is she doing in the boathouse?  What if Good Guy"s train is late?

Gravity. Sorry, another cliche, but the heroine must always trip and do a face plant while being chased!

Gorilla!  Yes, he's escaped from the zoo! Of all nights for a wildlife refugee to choose the boathouse to catch some zzz's!

Gorilla's!  Uncle Garth's cohorts or enemies seeking drugs, money, revenge? Good Grief!

Greed. (see Gorilla's)

Gee, that's a lot!  

April 07, 2017

A to Z Challenge 'F'

A to Z Challenge: Rocks a writer throws at the hero once she's been written up a tree!

Many stories begin with the hero or heroine already up a tree and they are extremely content up there. They have a beautiful tree house and an extraordinary tree job. They share the tree with a loving family or friends. 

The writer comes along and throws something at our heroine, Frances, plummeting her to the ground.

Fatality instantly comes to mind, though the fatality doesn't necessarily mean the death of someone. It could be a Fatal Attraction to someone who lives in a neighboring tree or a Fatal belief in something Futile or Frighteningly False.

There was once a story about a young heroine and her menagerie. The writer threw Flying Monkeys at her. Unfortunately, two stories with flying monkeys might be a bit much. You can name a bar the Flying Monkeys' Saloon, or a fraternity, the Flying Monkeys Fellowship but the doctor said, "No more monkeys jumping on the bed flying overhead.

Fire is bad whether one is up the tree or down, unless one is stranded on an uninhabited island after Falling from a Freighter. Hopefully, the Freighter was closer to Fuji than Finland! Rescue would absolutely not be good if Frances, our heroine, is Frozen when she is Found.

Speaking of Found! What if Frances was hooked up with her fantasy tree house by Witness Protection (her name is really Felicia) and the Fiend fumbles upon her?  What if she ran away from a personal Fiend, not a Felon fiend, so she is just hiding on a remote branch of the tree on her own; no Witness Protection program Facilitation. Wow, she would really be out on a limb! (sorry, couldn't resist)

Flashbacks! Yeah, that's the ticket. Frances (or is it Felicia?) is remembering snippets Fraught with Fear. Will she ever Fit the pieces together?

Fourth Dimension: Wow, that could be a whole new assortment of F-words.

Foreign Body: Medically speaking a foreign body is something that doesn't belong. Could Frances have been implanted with an alien device that tracks her every move; her every thought? Could a Fiend shoot her resulting in a foreign body (bullet) lodged near her Femur artery?

What if the foreign body is Fernando, from Brazil; six-pack abs, smoldering eyes, hips born to Salsa? Run, Frances, Run!

Is Fernando her Fatal Attraction? Will she Fall in love? Will she, of her own Free Will, dive off the Freighter, or a Frigate, to escape his Fixation on her, maybe, she jumps to swim to his ship as it passes in the night?

If so, Bye Felicia!

April 06, 2017

A to Z Challenge E

Robin Carr, a well-published author wrote, "A great writer chases her hero up a tree and then throws rocks at her."

A to Z 2017 Theme: Rocks to Throw At A Hero Who Is Up A Tree!
I've mentioned the slight bit of sadistic tendencies in writers during this challenge. We do love to throw those rocks at our heroes. Maybe, just maybe, it isn't being mean, it's just tough love! Writers never accept Excuses from the protagonist. 

Oh, we will toss a couple Evasive maneuvers their way but we toss in an Ebullient friend, partner, parent who ignores the Excuse. Possibly an Equable co-worker that just won't let our hero Evade her responsibility or our hero's own conscious (and Estimable  character) doesn't Endorse Evasion, Especially in the Evolution of self!

Excuses are short lived, momentary blip in the writer's mean streak!

On to Rocks! Let's throw some.

Empathy...What happens when our hero empathizes with the wrong person? What happens when  our heroine, let's call her Elyse (Greek name meaning 'Noble'), Is the only one who empathizes with the one person at the Edge of the group?  Will her Empathy Eventually be at her Expense? 
Evolution... Elyse 's relationship is over. Did he (Edward) cheat on her with her best friend Evelyn? Did they, Elyse and Edward grow apart? Did she Espy that she had lost herself in the marriage, partnership, Elicit affair?  
Exhaustion... Elicit affairs are exhausting (or so I've been told) but so is working/living/staying in the wrong Environment...which brings us to

Environment...Forest fire, Earthquake, Haunted House, Wicked Stepmother, Misogynistic Boss, Stormy sea, New town, Old town

Emergency...Everything was going along just fine, the writer checks her notes and decides today is the day. The Big Life Changing EVENT! 
Ectopic Pregnancy... Yeah, I know, this is stretching it, but you never know!

Enemy...This is often best when the hero (therefore, the reader) doesn't know who the enemy is. As a reader, not the writer, I prefer not to know who the enemy is. I can discover right along with the hero. If I know (for sure) who the enemy is, I ending up swearing ( quite often) at the hero. 

I don't like to swear at the hero. I want to be Elyse's friend!
Extraction... Got to get Elyse out of there...Elyse has got to get Earl (who?) out of there because they are onto him. Or did Elyse just have a tooth pulled and while coming out from under anesthesia she overheard the nurse (bad guy spy, Russian agent, the murderer) on the phone.

Enlightenment/Epiphany...Don't get your undies in a twist on this one. If Elyse is the only one who 'gets it' and no one else does, or they refuse to, trouble could be brewing!

Endemic/Epidemic...Hazmat suits, terrorists with vials of the most Evil virus known to man!
Evacuation...That's right. Let's get the hell out of here!

April 05, 2017

A To Z Challenge 'D'

Robin Carr, a well-published author wrote, "A great writer chases her hero up a tree and then throws rocks at her."

A to Z 2017 Theme: Rocks to Throw At A Hero Who Is Up A Tree!

The protagonist is up in that tree. The writer is wondering what Dilemmas to sling. 

Could it be that our heroine, having dreamed of Dancing all her life has tragically suffered  career-ending Damage to her Diaphram, or, could it be, her Duodenum (ew!)?  With Diaphram in such Disrepair, she cannot Dance and must make a Decision to change her career...but the mean, old writer must throw some Depression rocks. 

The Dancer must Decide quickly as she is a Dutiful Daughter totally Dedicated to her Delirious Dad, or maybe, her Delinquent Daughter. Too Damn bad, too! She was such a Delightful and Delicate Danseuse!

Wouldn't it be nice if she was the girl in the Apple tree (see 'A') and her attacker (of course, she was trespassing!) turns out to be her Doctor? (Don't roll your eyes at me, I'm working here!)

Disconcerted and Dismayed, our heroine ( can we just call her Donna for today?)...so, Donna's Distress is incredibly intense  and she Develops Dermis Distress (hives, excuse the non-D word, please!)

Doctor Delicious is amused (inspiring in her a Deep Desire to Deliver a solid Drub upon Doc's handsome face, though she doesn't act upon it). 

Doc and Donna end up having Dinner together and Denny's Diner.

Donna orders the Dandelion and Date salad. Doc orders the Duck. Delightful so far, but, (Drum roll) During the Devil's Food Cake Dessert, (are you prepared for additional Dilemma?) Donna gets smacked with the big 'D' Discovery!

Doc is married but (Does She Believe Him) he is separated from Dixie (his wife) and they are getting a Divorce.
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Doubt, Depression, Distress...a writer's favorite rocks!

April 04, 2017

Hey, It's Okay

Here we are again.


But it is not okay!

I have been sick for 12 days with a cold that is a killer. Hacking up both my lungs, can't lay down to sleep, my throat ACHES, sinus headache that is hysterically laughing at all attempts to relieve it!

Gargling with crushed garlic, cloves and aloe vera which usually helps but not this time. Is it being 66 that makes it harder to bounce back?  (Not that I've done much bouncing of any kind lately)

Parents 45 miles away and I'm afraid to take this nasty cold with me to see them. Thankfully, my sister got them groceries but, I feel like I'm falling down on the job.

I'd get a note from Mom saying I'm excused this week, too, but that means I have to go and see her to get the note...then, who do I give it to...my Mom?

But, if it was Hey, It's Okay Tuesday, I might have listed that It's Okay:

1. That my granddaughter, Haley, just made Varsity Cheer Leading Squad.

2. That granddaughter, Jo, is flying out for a visit in two weeks.

3. That my physical therapist is magically fixing my shoulder.

4. That my son and his wife have jumped through all the hoops and are now ready to open their arms and home to foster kid/kids and possibly adoption.

5. That the weather is awesome. In Redding a typical Spring lasts about 8 hours and then we zip up into the high 90's! This year we have a little rain, a little sunshine, a day or two of high 60's or 70's and then back to spring showers. Nice.  Crap, did I just jinx it?

6. Garage Sale and Donate book boxes are out numbering the Keep book boxes 3 to 1!  Yay!  Found good for homes for many of the books already.

7. The gray color on the walls make me want to lick them!

8. I made the best dang Beef Pho from scratch last week. Helped my throat for about 15 minutes!

Have a great week, all!

April 03, 2017

Memorial for Pops

Frank and I attended the memorial for our great-granddaughter's great-grandfather.

It was an extremely sad yet joyful event.  Pop John was an extremely popular man in the community. From the people attending, it was surprising to see how diversified his friends and co-horts were. The majority of them were long, long, long time friends. Oh, the stories!

His wife was surrounded by loving people. His children, too. Of course, the 7 or 8 great-grandchildren were pretty much oblivious to the meaning of the occasion, all being quite young.

But one of his grandchildren was devastated. She is the mother of our great-granddaughter, partner to our grandson.

Her biological father was a bit of a dick! Spent most of his life away from his family; choosing drugs over his children.  Pops took over the fathering of this special young lady. He was there for her during thick and thin.

He took them camping, introduced them to dune buggies in the dunes. He helped her to know that she was lovable by unconditionally loving her.

She literally lost two 'fathers'! I can't imagine the pain of one father turning his back on you and the one who loves you, without question, passes away.

Wish I could wash away her tears and hurt but it is also good to know that she had Pops in her life and felt the love.

April 02, 2017

A To Z Challenge "C"

Robin Carr, a well-published author wrote, "A great writer chases her hero up a tree and then throws rocks at her."
A to Z 2017 Theme: Rocks to Throw At A Hero Who Is Up A Tree!

Genre of any particular story has an incredible influence on what obvious and not-so-obvious rocks the writer will/may throw at the hero.

Science Fiction: Obvious: Criminal aliens Come to take Command of Earth in Mothership Cruisers that resemble mechanical Claws.   There is always tossing the threat of a massive Comet headed towards Earth, in fact, it is headed to the very Continent that the writer's demographics reside in.

Westerns: Really bad Cowboys,  Cowgirls, Cows, Calving, Calvary Captains or Corporals, innocent Citizens and Carbines. Pretty Certain at least one of the Characters has an extremely Challenging Case of the Consumption, and may actually be spitting up blood. Or, a band of Cherokee, Comanche, Choctaw  or Cheyenne warriors-gone-rogue.

Often, the hero is going to have to get the wagons to Circle, sometimes to protect the innocent victims and sometimes, well, sometimes just to circle!

Historical FictionCancer?  Maybe another visit from our Corrupt Candidate! Capital gains loss! 
Capture or Close Call by someone on a fast train to the Orient or, less likely, Carbon Monoxide poisoning! 

Children's Literature:  Cool! So many challenges in stories for kids. Crazy Cats with stripey hats, Confounded Clowns with Colorful scarves Clinging from the Cuffs of their Charming Costumes! Cautious Camels, Cantankerous Caterpillar, Caribou with Crimson noses, Conceited Cheetahs!  Calculating Caiman! 

RomanceCharming yet Cunning Court Jester! Cowardly Creep!  Combative Cousin (looking to snare the hero's inheritance. Coquettish Contessa...don't turn your back on her  or leave your jewels alone with her. Stuck in a desserted Cabin with Charles, Chas, Conrad, Colin who owns an ancient apples orchard and is struck with our heroine prowess for Climbing trees and her powerful Curve ball (again, see 'A').

Action/Adventure: Obvious could be a Colombian Cartel (yawn) Coming  to a town near you! Maybe our hero's imaginary tree is that she has been Captured by the Cartel and she is planning her great escape! Can only hope the thought of sparsely Clothed Cannibals.

Could be that the author's stone is a Crash (probably car). or threat of a Crash (probably airliner), impending Crash (airliner, soviet submarine, or City bus! Most are common and conspicuous choices of Calamity. But, do not forget the inevitable Covert Cops, Corrupt Candidates or Coveting Crocodile (one never knows what is awaiting behind the nest tree while running for your life in a Columbian rain forest) !

Not so obvious, what if terrorists hijack the android phone from a newly elected, crazy leader of a free-world nation with adware trojan viruses? Particularly, Cobblerone, or Coolreaper or Crazyworld or, (really?) Crisis!

Imagine how crazy those Tweets could be?  

("Mom, no one would do that?"

"Why not?

"Because that is already happening and it's the owner of the phone doing the Tweeting!"

"No Way!"


A To Z Challenge "B"

Robin Carr, a well-published author wrote, "A great writer chases her hero up a tree and then throws rocks at her."
A to Z 2017 Theme: Rocks to Throw At A Hero Who Is Up A Tree

Of course, we all know that 'up a tree' is closely related to 'up a creek without a paddle' or in 'hot water'. The hero has been written into a predicament, a challenge, onto a thin ledge!

(Big Secret: Really great writers have a little mean streak in them.)

Did her partner just abandon our hero, absconding with the loot from their joint account? Is the author throwing the threat of Bankruptcy at her maybe even destitution? Possibly said-partner mortgaged their Bungalow and Business to the hilt Before suddenly dying after Being hit by a speeding BMW while jogging.(Bummer!)

When she slowly crept out of the apple tree (see 'A') did the Battered Bear come back for revenge and applesauce?

Maybe, having missed the CONSTRUCTION AHEAD warning signs, she was  hit in the head with a falling Brick as she wandered down the sidewalk looking for the address of a possible house to rent. Result: amnesia from the Brain injury.

Has our heroine been saddled with Beauty, which, as we all know, attracts gigolos, threatens other women, and seriously affects the way strangers look at her; suspecting shallowness and an apparent intellectual deficit!

Rocks that a writer might throw at the Budding hero are always Barriers to struggle through, or hurdle over. Try as they may, crawling under or swerving around never, ever work for mean old authors, or real life! Thankfully she (the hero, not the writer) is usually accompanied by a good Buddy, a new Buddy or a deceitful old Buddy (that would be  "Bad, Bad ex-Buddy" but not necessarily Bad Bad Leroy Brown).

 Oh, and then, of course, the writer can throw a 'bad, bad buddy" into the mix who, only appears to be bad but ends up just having a secret (drama) and it can't be shared.  Therefore, so-called-ex-buddy-bad-guy, who our heroine has been suspicious of for two-thirds of the book, turns out to be a best buddy, after all.


April 01, 2017

#AtoZChallenge "A"

Theme: 26 Rocks to Throw At A Protagonist Who Is Up A Tree

Robin Carr, a well-published author wrote, "A great writer chases her heroine up a tree and then throws rocks at her."  .

Rocks to throw at your heroine after you've run her up a tree? Probably depends on the genre of your story. 

Lots of 'A' words come to mind: Anger, Attitude, Aliens, Attacker, Addict.

Today, though, we're going for the literal and obvious! Apples!

Walking down a dusty, country road, our heroine spots a huge apple tree. The tree's knarled and ancient bark makes her wonder if Johnny Appleseed himself must have planted it.

Many tempting, red apples have dropped to the ground. She really can't think of anything more inviting than a juicy apple. Stepping off the road, she searches the fallen apples but each one is well on it's way to inedible.

Looking up into the branches, bright, ripe apples promise to satisfy the tummy-rumbles that the grounded apples ignited.
She climbs the ancient tree, finds a nice comfortable branch and picks the closest crimson fruit.
As she takes her first bite, an apple ricochets off her shoulder! One especially rotten one explodes off her knee. These are not apples losing their fight with gravity and falling from the branches.
"Hey! Those are my apples you're stealing!" calls a deep voice from the ground just as another overripe apple hits her in the forehead!
Of course, you know that a handsome yet intimidating man is smiling from under the tree slinging the rotting fruit,  His presence promises a rough and rocky beginning but a happy ending of true love.

Personally, I prefer the thought of our heroine strolling down a dirt path in an ancient orchard, when she is suddenly pummeled with apples by several fairies who are guarding the secret entry to their kingdom.

Or, maybe, while our heroine is chomping on the juicy fruit a bear comes to join her. Masking her fear, she drives him away slinging the ripe globes and obscenities!

After all,  from our first toddler days, we all learned that:
"A is for Apples"!