We had a short, private service for Mom at the Veteran's Cemetery. Dad fell in love with the place and was very happy that Mom was in such a beautiful area with mountain views and Mt. Lassen plainly in view. The inscription on the niche place will be "Forever Young" since that is their last name.
We got Dad moved from the boonies to town. He now lives across the street from my sister and we see him everyday without the 45 minute drive to and from.
We had a Memorial Service for Mom on Mother's Day. It was beautiful. (Thank you Robin and Diane, for your incredible help and eye for beauty). Dad loved seeing everyone, had a couple of good cries (who didn't) and went home feeling sad but that the 'business' of death was complete. Time to get on with grieving.
We still have to prepare his house on the river for sale. Paint the kitchen cabinets, paint some trim on the exterior and trim up some of the trees to clear the view to the river. Of course, our summer heat is barreling down on us, so we need to get a move on it.
It's incredible how consuming the business of death is. Of course, there is a lot of second guessing because how does one decide on the big stuff when you're too confused to make a decision on what you want in the McDonald's drive-thru! One afternoon after and especially grueling couple of days, The Guy pulls into McD's and asks me what I want.
"I don't know! I can't make another decision!" I whined back to him.
When the loudspeaker voice asked what they should get started he requested "two McDoubles-no cheese and a large diet coke with two inches of rum!"
The morning after the Memorial I woke up completely relaxed BUT every muscle in my body was screaming in pain! Apparently, I must have unconsciously been carrying myself as rigid as I could due to the stress. The same for Sister and The Guy.
We got Dad to see a doctor and the doctor gave my dad some hope about his fatigue and lethargy. It's been difficult convincing an 89 year old hard working man that lethargy and weakness are a part of grieving.
I woke up this morning with the desire to read some of your blogs, post more than a sentence or two and I might even (might) take a shower before 2 p.m.!
I think it's going to be a good day!
Thank you all for the support! You're the best!
We got Dad moved from the boonies to town. He now lives across the street from my sister and we see him everyday without the 45 minute drive to and from.
We had a Memorial Service for Mom on Mother's Day. It was beautiful. (Thank you Robin and Diane, for your incredible help and eye for beauty). Dad loved seeing everyone, had a couple of good cries (who didn't) and went home feeling sad but that the 'business' of death was complete. Time to get on with grieving.
We still have to prepare his house on the river for sale. Paint the kitchen cabinets, paint some trim on the exterior and trim up some of the trees to clear the view to the river. Of course, our summer heat is barreling down on us, so we need to get a move on it.
It's incredible how consuming the business of death is. Of course, there is a lot of second guessing because how does one decide on the big stuff when you're too confused to make a decision on what you want in the McDonald's drive-thru! One afternoon after and especially grueling couple of days, The Guy pulls into McD's and asks me what I want.
"I don't know! I can't make another decision!" I whined back to him.
When the loudspeaker voice asked what they should get started he requested "two McDoubles-no cheese and a large diet coke with two inches of rum!"
The morning after the Memorial I woke up completely relaxed BUT every muscle in my body was screaming in pain! Apparently, I must have unconsciously been carrying myself as rigid as I could due to the stress. The same for Sister and The Guy.
We got Dad to see a doctor and the doctor gave my dad some hope about his fatigue and lethargy. It's been difficult convincing an 89 year old hard working man that lethargy and weakness are a part of grieving.
I woke up this morning with the desire to read some of your blogs, post more than a sentence or two and I might even (might) take a shower before 2 p.m.!
I think it's going to be a good day!
Thank you all for the support! You're the best!
So glad you moved Dad closer to the thick of it. That may clear the lethargy in a few days! You take in some sunshine, too.
ReplyDeleteWorked in the backyard of my dad's house on the river today. So peaceful, sunshine, shade, birds and the sound of the river! Lovely day!
Deletecontinue to rest and grieve. at least your dad is closer to you and your sibling. {{{{{hugs}}}}}
ReplyDeleteSo nice having Dad close by. Stopping by for coffee or spending the day with him. It's all good!
DeleteThe business of death is time consuming and hard but being busy is one of the things that gets us through. You will have some comfort now with your dad living close to you all.
ReplyDeleteYou're right but I think we could have handled just a little bit less busy!! It is a great comfort having Dad in town, knowing my sister is just across the street from him and I am about 5 minutes away.
DeleteI'm glad your father is living close to you in town now. That will be beneficial for all, won't it. I hope now you can take some time for yourself to relax and breathe.
ReplyDeleteWorking in his yard on the river today was super relaxing. Absolutely the most peaceful place to be.
DeleteIt's great your dad is closer; for everyone. Please give yourself the gift of time re your grieving. :: hugs ::
ReplyDeleteWeird how one can experience all 7 steps of grieving in a 24 hour period! My sister and I are taking turns visiting with Dad so the other one can do some deep breathing and unwinding.
DeleteHow nice that your dad is living closer to you now. I bet that's a huge relief; you can keep a closer eye on him, and visit regularly.
ReplyDeleteThis has been a stressful and exhausting period for everyone. I hope you are making time to be kind to yourself.
HUGE relief! One of us spends some time with him each day. He likes the company but he's hinting that he likes being alone sometimes too!
DeleteHe was bragging to me this evening that he spent the whole day in his pajamas and loved it! It's nice that he feels he is able to do that. He's liking his new house and tells us he feels safe and 'at home' in the new digs! Cool!
Happy to hear you can see your dad more easily now. What a huge adjustment to make living alone after so many years with a spouse.
ReplyDeleteI suggest if you can find the time, a great massage will do you wonders! :-)
Funny you should suggest a massage. My body has been whispering the same! My plan is to float in the pool for about half an hour to just relax and listen to my breathing and heart beat, then call my niece and make an appointment!
DeleteIt is so easy to see Dad that we make it an almost daily part of our routine, still trying to give him a little space (but not much!)
Hi Toni - it's so good to read your update and news ... and how lovely that all things worked out and your Dad has moved, and you can all see him as often as you want and generally take care of him. It does sound like the best has worked out for one and all ... now as it seems you're doing - take care of yourself ... with thoughts - Hilary
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