September 27, 2015

Don't Feed The Gators!

Went home after an airport fiasco on Thursday evening.

Prior to hauling suitcases back into vehicles for ride home, we sat in the plane for an hour at the head of the runway preparing for take-off (a teenie-weenie plane that Redding is infamous for).

While on the plane, we were surrounded with lots of pleasant chatter. No one seemed worried. I was thinking there was probably a family of ducks crossing the runway and we're just going to let them waddle their way across before takeoff. You see, in Shasta County we will shoot ducks but would never consider running them over with a vehicle.

Frank and I were not worried at all. We had a 5 hour layover in San Francisco before heading to New Jersey for our final connection to Jacksonville. What's an extra couple of minutes sitting on a runway,

The pilot finally announces that we are taxiing back to the terminal. Apparently there is a little problem with the computer that tracks the nose wheel function. "Just a little delay." I swear, those were his exact words. Just a little delay is okay!

We unload all our carry-ons and stroll back into the terminal.  There is another announcement that the mechanics are 15 minutes away and are headed our way.

We sit in the terminal, watching the plane. Actually, all 50 of us are watching the nose wheel.  Twenty minutes one ever approached the airplane. Nor did anyone approach the nose wheel. Not one mechanic or even stray duck ventured anywhere close to the nose gear, yet another. announcement is made.

"Attention passengers on Flight 1115, the mechanics are advising us that the parts needed to repair the problem are unavailable until tomorrow. Flight cancelled!  Also, this is final flight of the day to San Francisco!" The "Attention passengers on Flight 1115 was completely uncalled for as the only people in the whole airport were passengers booked for Flight 1115,

"Please see attendant to reschedule your flights and cancel your connections!"

Mayhem ensues! Everyone is talking or swearing. A small child begins to cry because small child's smaller sibling just bopped him on the forehead with her plastic Starbuck's cup.

Next announcement.

"Please be patient. There are only two of us to reschedule your itineraries and there are many of you!" 

Upon completion of this last announcement, the agent making said announcement promptly disappeared, leaving only one attendant to shuffle flights, hotels, connections and handle general mayhem. Disappearing woman did reappear when there were only 4 of us left to re-book, She was looking well rested. The look of relief on her face was extremely telling. I came to the conclusion that she was probably a supervisor and will be taking credit for how well the emergency was handled.

Joy! We returned home. Immediately climbed into bed  to get up in a couple of hours to return to the airport. We needed to be there at 2:30 a.m. to clear the potential terrorist processing for a 4 a.m. flight.  This process is especially joyful for me because I have a titanium knee which means I get to be searched from head to toe, including private (and sensitive) areas.  I don't mind. I know it is amusing for the rest of the crowd standing in line to watch me hold my arms out, legs spread, while my groin is made sure to be soft and not metallic and to watch my perky boobs outlined. They could at least buy me dinner or even a glass of wine after feeling me up in public!

The funny thing is after the frisking is complete, the feeler-upper puts their blue latex gloves in a box that apparently detects toxins. The toxins must not included border collie hair or baby food because the gloves passed and I was allowed to board the plane.

We landed in San Francisco just in time to meet my husband's sister and her husband at their gate as they prepared to board a plane for New York and eventually Germany, They are headed for the celebrations of genuine Oktoberfests. They were also dressed in leathers as they are renting motorcycles for their tour of Germany. The are dressed in full leathers and yet were not searched. I am a great-grandmother with a bum knee and I get searched. We'll discuss fairness in another post!

Okay, a little bit jealous. They are headed for Europe for two weeks and we are going to Jacksonville, Florida to a PGA award winning resort! Frank and I don't golf but I bet there aren't any "DON'T FEED THE ALLIGATORS" signs on the golf courses or Beer Gardens in Frankfurt!

We did arrive safely in Florida, tired and a day late. Sister and hubby landed safely in Germany.

A very tall, balding man bumped into very-tired me this morning as he carried his golf clubs to his cart. He gave me a very "how dare you get too close to me" kind of stare. Like I would purposely walk into anyone wearing yellow and purple plaid shorts, dress socks and golf shoes!

There is an open bar tonight hosted by one of the photo-world companies. I'm thinking after a couple of gin and tonics (green olives, hold the lime) that I might accidently bump Mr. Rude golfer into the apparently gator infested waterway as we cross over to our Villa. I hope the alligators don't mind plaid.


  1. Hahaha! I can hear jaws opening and shutting!

  2. I'm even thinking about tossing them a couple of extra folks for dessert!


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