Breakthrough!

I'm not sure if it's a PTSD thing or if lots of people have the same reaction with certain dates.

For years and years and years, a certain date hits me like a concrete wall, paralyzing me sometimes for hours.

Doesn't matter if I heard it or read it, I would be knocked to my knees emotionally. Panic, fear, couldn't think.

Then it became two different dates that would have the same effect. There is no avoiding those dates either. Sometimes, as early as six weeks before the date, someone would nonchalantly invite us to an event on the date or tell us they were coming through town and would like to visit. Bam! Frozen!

Both dates came and went this year like a mosquito on a bear's back. Yes, I was aware of them but hardly even had to take a deep breath to get through. The concrete wall was gone; there wasn't even a paper wall that said "Go Bruins!" to bust through. They were just dates.

Just dates but maybe not like any other. They were dates that reminded me that the human spirit can rise above the hardest of challenges and conquer the most ferocious fears.

It doesn't take a spandex suit with a big "S"  on it and a cape to knock down a concrete wall. You just focus on what's on the other side and the wall crumbles on its own! 

How did years and years of paralyzing PTSD lose it's grip on me? Feel free to ask but if you don't, I'm telling you anyway. I read a book with a pretty little jacket of bright colors. A book that asked me "Do You Quantum Think?"  Inspired me to change my thinking, my reactions and the quality of my life. 

I discovered that I am in charge of my life. I get to set my own boundaries, I get to choose who I want in my life and who I choose to let live happily-ever-after somewhere else. I get to choose what I want in my life and what is absolutely unacceptable. It is my choice what memories I will cherish and which ones can float away into the dark. 

Paulo Coehlo wrote, "One does not drown by falling in the river but by staying submerged in it."

Taking the path of least resistance would be to let the current carry you. Or you can swim to shore, climb out, dry off and make your own path.

All in all, my life is my path. I can choose who will walk it with me if they want to now and then. It is my choice when to turn left or right and when to find a nice sunny patch and sit in silence. Occasionally some one will bulldoze their way onto my path but it is a free world, they can walk the path if they want but I am planting my feet where I want. I say a little prayer for the trespasser; that they find their own path soon and fall in love with it.

My path is lovely. Filled with loving family, friends, magic, imagination, challenges and successes.

Thank You, Dianne Collins

It is surprising how each step is easier, even the uphill slopes, without being burdened with packing around the weight of the past or fear of the future. Placing each foot forward without worrying where the next concrete wall might appear, I am looking forward to the new twist and turns.

I may even dive into the river now and then, not to be swept away but to refresh myself in its cool current, wash away some of the dirt of the path, climb out, dry off and continue the journey.

See you along the way!

Inquiring Minds?

How do you know what you know?

What do you know to be true?

A recent television commercial presents the viewers with a young woman who believes everything she reads on the internet because no one can lie on the internet. When asked where she learned that, she replies, "The Internet!"

When your mom told you not to touch the stove because it was hot, did you touch it anyway. Did you believe it was hot or did you need to burn yourself, seeking truth and knowledge on your own?

When standing in line at the grocery store; you read a headline on a magazine nearby: Wisconsin Farmer Shoots Down UFO/ Men in Black SUV's Abscond Alien Bodies and Ship (and  two dead cows the downed ship killed upon crashing to ground; do you purchase the magazine or flip to article while standing in line? What if the headline says Huge Plane Missing Over Indian Sea? No one knows where it is, yet we have satellites that can read your license plate number from space.

If a written article is pro-this or con-that, do you believe it right off the get-go or do you look to see who published it? Do you question the integrity of the writing as having an agenda either political, religious or commercial? Or do you read it, scratch your head and say, "yeah, I thought so"?

How do you know what you know?

If you have read and read and read, do the research  until the subject starts showing up in your dreams? You come to a conclusion and the first person you share it with tells you your conclusions are flawed, do you question yourself? Do you start over or do you look at the person pronouncing your flawed thinking and question the motives for their comments?

Do you question things? If you do, does it depend on who says it; who writes it; what network it comes from?

How do you know what you know?

How much of what you know do you think is true? Is it true for you or is it a universal truth?

Do you believe in, well, let's say "God?" Do you believe in God? Do you believe in God because your parents and your parent's parents and their parents believed in God? Do you believe in God because you've experienced God in your life? Do you believe in God because you desperately want there to be a God? Do you not believe in God? Do you not believe in God because no one is out there or because you like to sleep in on Sunday mornings? If you believe in God, is it a God full of love or does God walk around with a whistle and clip board checking off your thoughts, words and actions.

Do you believe that good and evil have separate sources or do you believe that evil is just the absence of good?

Do you believe that light and dark have distinct sources or, is darkness, again, just the absence of light?

How do you know what you know?

Is the milk really bad because the container has yesterday's date stamped on it?  Who reported that the meat in McDonald's hamburgers is not fit for human consumption? What it the FDA, was it Burger King or was it a vegetarian scientist?

How do you know what you know?

Do you trust the written word? Do you trust Dianne Sawyer? Do you trust your local politician? Do you trust Bill Clinton? Do you trust the label on your cereal box that says there is 110 calories in a serving? Do you know that a green light for you means it is safe to enter the intersection?

Do you believe in the impossible? I'm betting about 90% of the things in our home today were thought to be impossible a mere hundred years ago.

How do you know what you know?

Dark Moonies

Last week as I was riding into work there was a segment on the radio advertising a Cancer Support group. One of the women being interviewed had been a member of the support group for 4 years and cancer-free all of those 4 years.

She made a comment that as ugly and painful and intrusive as cancer can be that part of it is minimal compared to the lesson of love and acceptance that she experienced. She confessed that without being debilitated by cancer, which lowered her resistance, she would never have been in a place where she could have accepted the gestures of love and caring not just offered by friends but thrust on her by genuinely loving friends....."I'm coming over right now and washing your hair for you!"

I could hear the emotions rising in her, I could hear her throat tightening as she fought back tears.

Arriving at work, I unlocked the doors and prepared the offices for the day's work. I am an office manager at a health care clinic. As I checked patients in and out throughout the day the radio-woman's statement was always in my awareness. I noticed how some of our really ill patients were driven, driven, driven people. Their need to get some antibiotices in them and get their busy-selves back to the action was their utmost goal:

"Take a day off and rest? How can I?"
"but if I'm not there the world will forget to revovle?"
"Nothing will get done if I am not there!"

Now I am sure that if this blog was a mirror you could see your reflection and just as many of you are denying the reflection.

When we stop taking care of ourselves, when we detach ourselves from the rest of humanity...except that it is our responsibility to take care of humanity because, "heaven forbid, others should take care of themselves" our bodies yell..."STOP".

If we don't listen to the little tickle in our throats or the fact that our shoulders have migrated to a tight little condo about an inch below our ears than what choice does the body have but to kick our feet out from under us?

As I contemplate that minute or two of the radio broadcast my mind keeps asking the question, "Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could learn the lesson of accepting love and compassion and support without getting cancer?"

Is there a way to open our hearts to being loved without first having to be a victim of something? If allowing others to love us and help us when we are on our knees or flat on our back can make such an impact can you imagine how empowering it could be to accept those wonderful acts of genuine caring while we are strong and on our feet!

Last winter my friend Ingrid and I gathered our wits, our memories, our wisdom and our talents, our wishes and desires and dreams....spread them out across the dining room table and gave birth to the Pomegranate Project, Women Empowering Women Around The World. Our dream, to help women develop their own talents and skills, to educate them about the real history of women, to help women network and share their knowledge and experiences with each other.

An off-shoot of the Pomegranate Project was a class, Wandering By The Dark Of The Moon ~ A Daring Adventure Into The Enigma Called Woman. We begin the class in February of 2008. Many women showed up to the first class, some come whenever they can, one or two we never saw again, but those that commited to the class and have been there every dark moon and every full moon have grown in ways I cannot even dare to describe.

I've seen some eyes hooded and dulled by life's experiences sparkle again, I've seen postures change..."was she really that tall last year?" Some of the women have reached major professional goals, major changes in life long relationships, recommitting to making the personal changes to make those relationships thrive.

We have become friends and sisters. We support each other, nurture each other, kick each other's tushies if necessary (lovingly, of course). We have really grown together, we have learned to love each other, not just as individuals but as women, strong, gentle, nurturing, brave, empowered. We have learned to respect each other, and best of all, we didn't need to get cancer to do it.

Maybe the cure for cancer and all those other invasive ugly dis-eases is opening ourselves up to the inherent love in the universe!

Ingrid, Jane, Lyn, Roxie, Roxy, Yolan, Marcy, Cindy, Liz, Peg, Akaysha, Marie, Leslee, and all you other "Dark Moonies" I love you!