June 12, 2014


I'm not sure if it's a PTSD thing or if lots of people have the same reaction with certain dates.

For years and years and years, a certain date hits me like a concrete wall, paralyzing me sometimes for hours.

Doesn't matter if I heard it or read it, I would be knocked to my knees emotionally. Panic, fear, couldn't think.

Then it became two different dates that would have the same effect. There is no avoiding those dates either. Sometimes, as early as six weeks before the date, someone would nonchalantly invite us to an event on the date or tell us they were coming through town and would like to visit. Bam! Frozen!

Both dates came and went this year like a mosquito on a bear's back. Yes, I was aware of them but hardly even had to take a deep breath to get through. The concrete wall was gone; there wasn't even a paper wall that said "Go Bruins!" to bust through. They were just dates.

Just dates but maybe not like any other. They were dates that reminded me that the human spirit can rise above the hardest of challenges and conquer the most ferocious fears.

It doesn't take a spandex suit with a big "S"  on it and a cape to knock down a concrete wall. You just focus on what's on the other side and the wall crumbles on its own! 

How did years and years of paralyzing PTSD lose it's grip on me? Feel free to ask but if you don't, I'm telling you anyway. I read a book with a pretty little jacket of bright colors. A book that asked me "Do You Quantum Think?"  Inspired me to change my thinking, my reactions and the quality of my life. 

I discovered that I am in charge of my life. I get to set my own boundaries, I get to choose who I want in my life and who I choose to let live happily-ever-after somewhere else. I get to choose what I want in my life and what is absolutely unacceptable. It is my choice what memories I will cherish and which ones can float away into the dark. 

Paulo Coehlo wrote, "One does not drown by falling in the river but by staying submerged in it."

Taking the path of least resistance would be to let the current carry you. Or you can swim to shore, climb out, dry off and make your own path.
All in all, my life is my path. I can choose who will walk it with me if they want to now and then. It is my choice when to turn left or right and when to find a nice sunny patch and sit in silence. Occasionally some one will bulldoze their way onto my path but it is a free world, they can walk the path if they want but I am planting my feet where I want. I say a little prayer for the trespasser; that they find their own path soon and fall in love with it.

My path is lovely. Filled with loving family, friends, magic, imagination, challenges and successes.
Thank You, Dianne Collins

It is surprising how each step is easier, even the uphill slopes, without being burdened with packing around the weight of the past or fear of the future. Placing each foot forward without worrying where the next concrete wall might appear, I am looking forward to the new twist and turns.

I may even dive into the river now and then, not to be swept away but to refresh myself in its cool current, wash away some of the dirt of the path, climb out, dry off and continue the journey.

See you along the way!

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