Do You Have A Map?

I have a drawer that has 50, 60, maybe 80 maps in it. New York City (city streets and subways, Tokyo, Puerto Rico, Yellowstone, Utah, New Mexico, South Carolina, Maine. One map has both Vermont and New Hampshire.  I have, at least, 5 Redding maps! I've been here a long time and things change!

I have Santa Clara County, Ventura County, Tehama County, Jefferson County. I have Yugoslavia, Macedonia, Greece, Bosnia and Mexico.

Funny thing though, I never take a folding map with me. Weird huh?

Before I venture to any place I haven't been, I Google directions. Then I Map Quest the destination. I check out which route seems the straightest shot or path of least resistance. I memorize it.

I visualize the trip in "Home Health" directions! Just a bunch of R's and L's or E, W, S and N Once the route is in my head, it is pretty much there to stay. If you ask me on my death-bed how to get to the tree farm in Yuba City (which I haven't been to in 15 years as of this year) I will answer:

S on I-5 

E @ 20 @ Colusa exit

L @ 99 (Golden State Highway)

L @ Messick

R @ Sierra Gold Driveway ~ Main office is (or, at least, was) a little house in parking lot.

I will not use a GPS because I have found them to be bossy, boring and inaccurate. They don't prepare you for highway construction, new roads or downed trees!

Life is much like that drive to the tree farm. We need to set out our directions. We need to know which directions are going to get us where we ultimately want to go. Life's journey is usually not a physical address but a "place" in your soul and your spirit. 

Growing up, I wanted to be a mother, a doctor; live in the country or mountains, grow my own food and be happy.  My dream was not to live at 10786 Ponderosa Drive, have four sons, one with green eyes, two with brown eyes and one with blue eyes and I would name them Tom, Ray, Bill and Craig and three daughters, two tall brunettes, Zita and Fiona,  and a petite redhead who I would name Molly. I had a "general" vision; home, husband, kids, contentment.

On our journey we do need to set out a path. Our families, our communities, our faith and, ultimately, our nature, help define the path but the path is ours. We need to review our path now and then to make sure we are staying on course. Does that mean we can't turn left or right, or reverse our steps from South to North? 

It is always your choice but examine those choices and the consequences. Going W on 20 @ the Colusa exit isn't going to help you harvest peaches, pears or almonds next year but you might see wonderful wild flowers along the highway, catch sight of rolling vineyards surrounding Clear Lake and you just might end up at the ocean, observing the most beautiful sunset of your life. 

So, what are the directions you have set out for you on your path?  What is your personal map for your journey?

Is accountability part of your personal directions on the path? When you say you will be somewhere at 7:00, do you call at 8:30 with a really good excuse, over and over and over? 

If you want to go straight and people are in your way are you going to bowl them over? Will you be a bully? Will you be a negotiator? Will you introduce yourself and ask if there is anything you can do to clear the congestion?

If there is a wide gap in the trail, will you slump over and turn around or will you study it, check out the other side, back-track a little for a running start and leap over the abyss?

If you want things that aren't yours will you steal them or destroy them or just plant yourself in the middle of them until the true owners throw their hands up and say, "Here, you can have it?"

On this most important journey, our life, we need basic directions. We need gas for our vehicle, I for one, certainly don't want to have to push my car the whole trip! Nor do I want anyone else forced to drag me and my wagon over the hill.

What are your values? What are your moral guides? What are you willing to be flexible in and what is firm and unshakable?

When we get to the end of the journey, will you be able to look into a mirror and like who is looking back at you?

Breakthrough!

I'm not sure if it's a PTSD thing or if lots of people have the same reaction with certain dates.

For years and years and years, a certain date hits me like a concrete wall, paralyzing me sometimes for hours.

Doesn't matter if I heard it or read it, I would be knocked to my knees emotionally. Panic, fear, couldn't think.

Then it became two different dates that would have the same effect. There is no avoiding those dates either. Sometimes, as early as six weeks before the date, someone would nonchalantly invite us to an event on the date or tell us they were coming through town and would like to visit. Bam! Frozen!

Both dates came and went this year like a mosquito on a bear's back. Yes, I was aware of them but hardly even had to take a deep breath to get through. The concrete wall was gone; there wasn't even a paper wall that said "Go Bruins!" to bust through. They were just dates.

Just dates but maybe not like any other. They were dates that reminded me that the human spirit can rise above the hardest of challenges and conquer the most ferocious fears.

It doesn't take a spandex suit with a big "S"  on it and a cape to knock down a concrete wall. You just focus on what's on the other side and the wall crumbles on its own! 

How did years and years of paralyzing PTSD lose it's grip on me? Feel free to ask but if you don't, I'm telling you anyway. I read a book with a pretty little jacket of bright colors. A book that asked me "Do You Quantum Think?"  Inspired me to change my thinking, my reactions and the quality of my life. 

I discovered that I am in charge of my life. I get to set my own boundaries, I get to choose who I want in my life and who I choose to let live happily-ever-after somewhere else. I get to choose what I want in my life and what is absolutely unacceptable. It is my choice what memories I will cherish and which ones can float away into the dark. 

Paulo Coehlo wrote, "One does not drown by falling in the river but by staying submerged in it."

Taking the path of least resistance would be to let the current carry you. Or you can swim to shore, climb out, dry off and make your own path.

All in all, my life is my path. I can choose who will walk it with me if they want to now and then. It is my choice when to turn left or right and when to find a nice sunny patch and sit in silence. Occasionally some one will bulldoze their way onto my path but it is a free world, they can walk the path if they want but I am planting my feet where I want. I say a little prayer for the trespasser; that they find their own path soon and fall in love with it.

My path is lovely. Filled with loving family, friends, magic, imagination, challenges and successes.

Thank You, Dianne Collins

It is surprising how each step is easier, even the uphill slopes, without being burdened with packing around the weight of the past or fear of the future. Placing each foot forward without worrying where the next concrete wall might appear, I am looking forward to the new twist and turns.

I may even dive into the river now and then, not to be swept away but to refresh myself in its cool current, wash away some of the dirt of the path, climb out, dry off and continue the journey.

See you along the way!